1
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,109
Did you guys see what I saw.

2
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:10,910
At school today?

3
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:14,247
Oh my God,
she is such a pick me girl.

4
00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:16,616
Hey, it takes one to know one.

5
00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,651
Vanessa.

6
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,220
Hahahahahahaha!

7
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:22,355
That's hilarious. Jenna bell.

8
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:23,456
This is exactly

9
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:26,760
why you're the queen bee,
and I totally defer to you.

10
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,128
Oh, wait.

11
00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:29,529
Does anyone else think Mark

12
00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:32,399
Duggan is lowkey
hot with that haircut?

13
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,467
Oh my God, yes.

14
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:37,837
Glow up vibes.

15
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:41,908
FYI, green light on Yemen
raised.

16
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:44,544
Tomahawks airborne
15 minutes ago.

17
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:45,478
Who's ready to glass?

18
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:47,981
Some Houthi
rebels. Flag emoji. Flag emoji.

19
00:00:48,014 --> 00:00:49,182
Flag emoji. Flag.

20
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:49,616
The flag.

21
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:53,119
Emoji. Fire emoji. Eggplant.

22
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:55,488
Who is this

23
00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:56,423
Pete Hegseth?

24
00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:58,458
Secretary of defense.

25
00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:00,226
Israel. Better
bend over and spread it.

26
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,062
Clean up their

27
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,863
baller water squirt emoji.

28
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:07,233
God bless the troops. Eggplant.

29
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,102
Do we know you, bro?

30
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:11,638
This is Jenna Bell.

31
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:12,605
Oh. Nice

32
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:15,475
dinner bell from defense, right?

33
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:19,479
Hey, I think you have the wrong
group chat.

34
00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:20,780
LOL LOL LOL

35
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,416
Could you imagine
if that actually happened?

36
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:24,484
Homer disappeared in the bush.

37
00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:25,819
gif what?

38
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,454
I got everyone sending a PDF

39
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:30,457
with updated locations
of all our nuclear submarines.

40
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:32,092
Check that one.

41
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,327
We got chilling right outside
Shanghai.

42
00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:35,695
Jordan Peele
sweating like crazy.

43
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:36,830
gif

44
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,499
Stop sending us this stuff.

45
00:01:39,532 --> 00:01:42,102
Hold up! And Jade now.

46
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,871
Nice job on the strike, fam.

47
00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:48,742
Female sticker emoji.

48
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,244
What my dad

49
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:54,347
meant to send fire emoji.

50
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:57,117
Okay,
how's Greenland, by the way?

51
00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:58,585
That you're killing it?

52
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:01,054
No I'm not.

53
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,956
Nobody knows why I'm here.

54
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,657
Especially me.

55
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:09,129
But praise Trump, our work here
is mysterious and important.

56
00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:12,465
Bro, Egypt
owes us big time for this Yemen.

57
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:15,669
This is saying we should
make them give us the pyramids.

58
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:19,372
Okay, I'm
engaging the pyramids of Giza.

59
00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:22,776
Like,
how would we move them here?

60
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,778
Same way they built them.

61
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,714
Either aliens or slaves.

62
00:02:27,747 --> 00:02:29,816
Wait, who's the 203 number?

63
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:32,085
I'm Jenna Bell.

64
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:34,721
Sick Jenna Bell from homeland.

65
00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:36,723
Sending a PDF of all deep
covers.

66
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:40,093
CIA agents don't share.

67
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,095
Well, I'm going to be bad
and make myself a Jack

68
00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:43,730
and Coke to celebrate.

69
00:02:43,763 --> 00:02:45,732
Just the one.

70
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:49,769
Nice promise to stop drinking
when you got the job.

71
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,571
But it's like they say in AA.

72
00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:52,372
Just the one is.

73
00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:55,608
Okay.

74
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:56,910
I got to go.

75
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,812
Matt's here to pick me up.

76
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,814
We're going to movie.

77
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,650
Who? Gaetz

78
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,586
Actually, yeah.

79
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,855
Pulled up at Marco

80
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:11,257
Rubio in the house.

81
00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:12,325
Yeah.

82
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:15,595
Wait, who are the other
three numbers here?

83
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:18,231
Us sending you
the real JFK files.

84
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:21,067
Not those fake ones.
We released.

85
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:22,435
Do not share.

86
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:24,070
We've been

87
00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:27,340
trying to
tell you we're in high school.

88
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:32,212
I think you accidentally
added us to a government chat.

89
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:36,683
In that case, we were totally
pranking you guys for a while.

90
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:40,553
But would you mind emailing
your names and home addresses

91
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:44,624
to deportations@ice.gov?

92
00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:45,925
Hey, could be worse.

93
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:49,929
We could have added the editor
of The Atlantic again.

94
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,365
You did?

95
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,167
I am also here.

96
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,804
And can I just say
two things one.

97
00:03:57,837 --> 00:04:02,942
Seth, you have got to lose
my number and two

98
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:06,346
LIVE FROM NEW YORK
IT|S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!

99
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:11,518
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

100
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:12,585
>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY

101
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:13,920
NIGHT LIVE."

102
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,655
WITH --

103
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:18,778
MUSICAL GUEST MORGAN WALLEN.

104
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:23,383
AND YOUR HOST, MIKEY MADISON.

105
00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:29,656
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- MIKEY

106
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:32,859
MADISON!

107
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:45,505
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

108
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:52,912
Thank you, thank you,
thank you very much.

109
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,181
It's been a crazy month.

110
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:58,251
The film I was in,
I just won five Oscars.

111
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:04,024
So in April, I'm going to bed.

112
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:07,927
As you can tell, I have a pretty
relaxed vibe in real life,

113
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,630
and I try to incorporate that
into all my roles.

114
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:11,931
Take a look.

115
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,489
Just to clarify, those were.

116
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:39,059
Two different characters
who were lit on fire.

117
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,861
And that's range.

118
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:44,064
Growing up,
I actually never planned on

119
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,066
being an actor when I was a kid.

120
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:49,969
I was a very proud,
self-proclaimed horse girl.

121
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,372
For those of you unfamiliar,
a horse girl

122
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:55,608
is basically a nerd,
but with long hair.

123
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,410
I even did homeschooling
so I could spend

124
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,546
more time at the barn
with the horses.

125
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:03,016
Here's a photo of me and my
pony Thumbelina on Halloween.

126
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,021
Yeah, I honestly don't know.

127
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:08,588
What's worse.

128
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,490
The fact that I did
a couple's costume

129
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:14,194
with my horse, or the fact
that I created a backstory.

130
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,796
So we were jailbird
nerds, arrested

131
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:21,334
for the crime
of stealing each other's hearts.

132
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,469
And now it's so hard

133
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,538
to believe
I was homeschooled right?

134
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:28,308
I've always been really close
with all my siblings,

135
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,811
and actually, my twin
brother is here to support me.

136
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,146
Let's see if you can guess

137
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,716
which one of these guys
is my twin brother.

138
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,252
Actually.

139
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:40,954
If you guessed the one
who looks like Ron

140
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:44,057
Weasley on testosterone,
you win.

141
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,164
You know, in a way, I.

142
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,599
Kind of feel like horseback
riding

143
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,934
prepared me for doing it
and for doing Anora.

144
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:59,572
But instead of riding horses,
I was riding a Russian twink.

145
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:00,674
I performed all

146
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,777
my own stunts for the film,
including all the dancing.

147
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,712
So it does kind of bother me

148
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:08,882
when people assume it wasn't
actually me on the pole,

149
00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:11,918
because it was,
and I can prove it right now.

150
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:16,423
In a minute.

151
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,158
But here goes.

152
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:23,863
I'm. Get down, get down,
get down,

153
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,599
down.

154
00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:27,434
Get down.

155
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,469
I want to get dirty.

156
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:32,505
Get down.

157
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:36,876
We've got a great show for you
tonight.

158
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:40,313
Morgan Wallen is here. So
stick around we|ll be back!

159
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,130
And swear I was so close

160
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,065
to booking that Burger King
commercial.

161
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,700
Well,
this class is going to help.

162
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:04,137
The teacher theater is a genius.

163
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,772
Hello. Sorry I'm late.

164
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,140
I hit a guy with my car,

165
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,943
and he was being really weird
about it.

166
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:12,846
Welcome to commercial acting,
where the number one rule is

167
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:14,547
you're not selling a product.

168
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,282
You're telling the story.

169
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,250
New students.

170
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,919
Show me something nice. Okay.

171
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,656
Paul and I are working on a
scene from a Flonase commercial.

172
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:24,824
It's allergy season.

173
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:27,227
I've got a runny nose,
itchy eyes, and I'm sneezing.

174
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:30,130
What should I do?
You should try Flonase.

175
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:33,233
Stop a word from me.

176
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:35,702
The problem
is, you're not engaged.

177
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:36,603
You're listening.

178
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,772
But you're not
actively listening.

179
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,774
Connie me my star student.
My queen.

180
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:45,478
Come up here now do the lines
and I will actively listen.

181
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,447
Ready and action.

182
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,917
It's allergy season. You
said what!

183
00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,119
for real?

184
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,120
Oh, no

185
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,355
Sneezing like this.

186
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,257
That's how

187
00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,226
Flonase

188
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,194
Yeah, I'm sorry.

189
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,496
But I feel like
that was a little distracting.

190
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:04,831
Oh, really?

191
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:06,700
And who's the expert here?

192
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:08,902
You with zero acting credits.

193
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:12,439
Or me with three?

194
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:13,273
Number one.

195
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,140
Wipe out.

196
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:17,210
Busted my face on a big red
ball.

197
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,078
Number two.

198
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,480
What would you do with John
Quinonez?

199
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:24,484
I did not help and was racist.

200
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,887
Number three, White Lotus
auditioned for the incest scene

201
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,189
with my biological brother.

202
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:33,626
And I didn't hate it.

203
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,261
So you didn't get the part

204
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,231
and you made out
with your own brother?

205
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:43,236
David, can I tell you something
that might sound a bit mean?

206
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,905
I would give anything for you
to lose your hair

207
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:48,108
and not be able to fix it.

208
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:53,947
Now, does anyone
have any questions for me?

209
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:55,815
Yes. You in the back?

210
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,684
Yeah. I'm getting my headshots
taken tomorrow.

211
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,019
Do you have any advice?

212
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:03,256
Yes. I recommend doing one
head on and one in profile.

213
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:06,292
I actually brought mine with me
today.

214
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,498
Because we're clearly mug shots.

215
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:14,501
Yes, and they cost me nothing.

216
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:15,769
It's called a win win.

217
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:20,840
I got free headshots
and I got to drive while drunk.

218
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:22,676
Brianna. Penelope, get up here.

219
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:26,479
Do your Nike
ad before I freak out.

220
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,648
Hey, I couldn't help but notice
your shoes.

221
00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:30,550
Thinks they're Nike's.

222
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,887
Stock,
but it's a shoe ad, right?

223
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:34,320
Not a.

224
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:38,091
You add the shoe needs to enter
before you can.

225
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,727
Penelope. Away from me.

226
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,396
And action!

227
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,365
I couldn't help
but notice your shoes.

228
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,100
Oh, these

229
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,472
These are from Nike.

230
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:53,373
Nike.

231
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:56,209
Just do it already.

232
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:58,645
That's not even the slogan.

233
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:01,681
Go to sleep.

234
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:07,854
Now. Another audition tape.

235
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:11,057
Memorize your lines, guys. Okay.

236
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,727
For instance,
Connie can do any line

237
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,096
from any movie
off the top of her dome.

238
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:21,101
Connie, my slippery
little beaver, come up here.

239
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:24,304
Forrest Gump. Now.

240
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:27,273
My mama always said life is.

241
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:30,243
A line like line. A line box.

242
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:33,079
Line of. Line.
Chocolate, chocolate.

243
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:36,649
Tom Hanks could never.

244
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:40,420
Why is this class $2,000?

245
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,223
I can't even remember
a single word.

246
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:47,627
And that's like a really famous
quote. Hi.

247
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,295
You're talking to the college

248
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,332
student in the class
who has booked anything.

249
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,967
Okay,
put some respect on her name.

250
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,302
Connie. Tell them your credits.

251
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,270
Number one.

252
00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:59,205
Survivor. Total ocean water.

253
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,874
Medically evacuated.

254
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:02,509
Number two, Hell's Kitchen.

255
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,878
Gordon Ramsay called me a donut.

256
00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:06,680
Number three, love is blind.

257
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:10,817
Fell in love, then
saw him and said, no. Bitch.

258
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,752
Bellissima.

259
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:15,555
And as I said,
the most important part of any

260
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,157
ad is the slogan.

261
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,858
So someone shout out a company

262
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:22,696
and we will do a perfect
ad read of their slogan.

263
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,330
And I'll say insurance.

264
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,699
Got it.

265
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:28,868
And action on myself.

266
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,704
Exterior. Football field.

267
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:34,140
I'm the coach.

268
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,409
It's the fourth quarter.

269
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,611
We need a Hail Mary.

270
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:39,979
Any ideas?

271
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,082
Coach, I got the best
hands on the team.

272
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,983
You've got to give me a shot.

273
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,585
Fine.

274
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,621
You're in good hands.

275
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,362
And scene

276
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,163
Connie. You're pathetic.

277
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,131
Thank you.

278
00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,799
Maybe one day I'll win an Oscar.

279
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:02,369
I don't even know what that
is. Let's get out of here.

280
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:11,578
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

281
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,146
* NEW YORK ON THE WEEKEND GOT

282
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,548
ALL DAY TO SEE MY FRIENDS *

283
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,050
* WE COULD GO TO BRUNCH OR

284
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,218
MUSEUMS *

285
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,686
* THERE'S A NEW MOVIE WE COULD

286
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:20,453
SEE THEM *

287
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:21,821
* RIDE A BIKE HAVE A FLING OR DO

288
00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:23,590
OUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE THING *

289
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,058
* WHICH IS JUST TO WAIT IN A BIG

290
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,159
DUMB LINE *

291
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:30,864
* A BIG DUMB LINE ALSO THE CRAZY

292
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:31,831
LINE *

293
00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:33,299
* FOR A BAGEL THAT WENT VIRAL

294
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:36,202
FOR A PIZZA THAT WENT VIRAL *

295
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,071
* WE'RE WAITING IN A FAT-A IS SS

296
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,539
LINE *

297
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:40,240
>> ISN'T NEW YORK AMAZING?

298
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,175
WHERE ELSE CAN YOU GET ON TIKTOK

299
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:42,542
AND --

300
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,445
* WAIT IN A BIG OLD LINE A BIG

301
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:45,879
OLD LINE

302
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,082
* GUMMY BEARS FROM A POTLUCK

303
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,184
STORE *

304
00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:54,387
>> HAVE YOU BEEN HERE LONG, YEAH

305
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:54,754
SIT 7.

306
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:56,089
>> I'VE BEEN HERE SINCE 2011.

307
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,157
>> MUST BE WORTH IT, IT'S A

308
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:57,857
REALLY LONG LINE.

309
00:15:57,891 --> 00:16:00,193
* I WAITED THREE HOURS *

310
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,228
* HOW WAS THE MARCH FINE *

311
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,230
* I WAITED FOUR HOURS *

312
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,232
* HOW WAS THE YOGURT FINE *

313
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,234
* I WAITED SIX HOURS *

314
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,804
* HOW WERE THE NOODLES *

315
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,839
* BAD *

316
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,274
* OH, MY GOD THERE'S ANOTHER

317
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:14,874
LINE *

318
00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:16,876
* A LONGER BIGGER LINE *

319
00:16:16,910 --> 00:16:20,046
* WHAT'S IT FOR MY FEET DIVINE *

320
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,416
* CRONUTS CROISSANTS IN A

321
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:24,617
DOUGHNUT *

322
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,920
* A PIZZA THAT'S A SALAD *

323
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:30,090
* FISH THAT'S CANDY *

324
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:35,362
* IF YOU KNOW THEN YOU KNOW *

325
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,697
* IT'S A BIG FAT LINE *

326
00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:40,066
* I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE I'VE

327
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,335
FORGOTTEN WHAT WE'RE WAITING

328
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:42,736
FOR.

329
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,971
*

330
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:46,840
>> THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND

331
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,208
OUT GET IN A BIG FAT LINE.

332
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:51,745
>> I'M TIRED, IT'S GETTING DA,

333
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,079
DARK, I'M LEAVING.

334
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:53,747
I'M LEAVING!

335
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:54,814
>> NO!

336
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:55,181
>> YES!

337
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:58,251
* BELIEVE IN YOURSELF *

338
00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:01,321
* BELIEVE IN THE LINE *

339
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:06,259
* YOU DESERVE THIS VIRAL GREEK

340
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:07,527
YOGURT *

341
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:15,435
* DON'T GIVE UP AMELIA EARHART *

342
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:19,239
* SHE WANTS YOU TO *

343
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:19,939
>> I'M IN LINE.

344
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,042
* WAIT IN A BIG FAT LINE A BIG

345
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,777
FAT LINE *

346
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,912
* YOU CAN ONLY TASTE IT IF YOU

347
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:29,182
GET IN A BIG-ASS LINE *

348
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,216
*

349
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,184
*

350
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,686
* OH, MY GOD WE'RE AT THE FRONT

351
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:36,056
THE FRONT OF A FRICKIN' LINE *

352
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,524
>> HOW IS IT?

353
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:41,795
>> IT'S -- GOOD.

354
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,463
IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW.

355
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,965
PIZZA.

356
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:46,633
>> GOOD.

357
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,635
* PARTY IN A FAT-ASS LINE *

358
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,337
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

359
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,448
Now, if anyone
from the jury pool has a reason

360
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:04,484
they're incapable of serving,
we will hear those now.

361
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:07,587
And to be clear, your reasons
cannot be work related.

362
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:08,855
We'll start with you, sir.

363
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,223
Is there any non-work

364
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:13,093
related reason
you wouldn't be able to serve?

365
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,862
I have work, sir.

366
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,897
What did I just say?

367
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:20,433
We're not accepting work
conflicts.

368
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,536
I highly doubt
that applies to me.

369
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:25,438
I'm a CEO.

370
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,474
Ever heard of a little company
called.

371
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,309
Oh, I don't know.

372
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:35,048
Google birds mobile dog grooming
services.

373
00:18:35,048 --> 00:18:36,349
Sit back down, sir.

374
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:40,153
Next.

375
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:42,122
My name is Quinn.

376
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,857
And I would be
the most excellent choice

377
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:46,059
to be the judge in this case.

378
00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:48,928
No, I'm already the judge.

379
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,064
So I would be the star witness.

380
00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:51,831
No, sir.

381
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:54,167
This is jury duty.

382
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:59,205
Oh, then perhaps in that
case, I could be the judge.

383
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,274
Yeah, I'll allow it.

384
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,043
Allow yourself.

385
00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:04,110
Next. Ma'am.

386
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:06,479
Why are you unfit to serve?

387
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:10,917
Does the work exemptions
rule apply to

388
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:13,119
celebrities?

389
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,021
Are you a celebrity?

390
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:15,822
Depends.

391
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:19,826
Ever heard of a little family
called the Kardashians?

392
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:23,663
Because I'm one of the people
Caitlyn Jenner hit with her car.

393
00:19:23,697 --> 00:19:27,100
So you are not worth a shot.

394
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,468
Okay. Next.

395
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,736
And, ma'am, I'm
going to go ahead

396
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:30,837
and assume you're unfit

397
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:35,141
because you don't
trust the police. Wow.

398
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:36,109
And you know what?

399
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:39,779
That assumption
is extremely biphobic.

400
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:46,486
Wow. Okay, well, you're
dismissed regardless.

401
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:50,924
Next. Hi.

402
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:53,293
I don't have an excuse because.

403
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:55,895
But you heard
enough of those in your life.

404
00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:58,365
And can I just say,
it is so refreshing to see

405
00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:01,735
a strong woman of color. No.

406
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:04,938
And you
just got yourself 16 months.

407
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,339
Next.

408
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:08,241
Yes. Hi.
I'm an essential worker.

409
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:09,909
And what is your job?

410
00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:11,411
Does this answer your question?

411
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:12,746
Have your say.

412
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:16,416
I got 99 problems. Brooklyn.

413
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:18,151
Now I'm actually more confused.

414
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,586
What is your job?

415
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:22,188
I, prank call restaurants
pretending to be Jay-Z

416
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,423
for a morning radio show.

417
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,492
Allow me to reintroduce myself.

418
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,527
My name is Todd Mongeau
with hot 106.

419
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,462
The group room.

420
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:30,597
Next.

421
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,699
Now, I assume
you need to be dismissed

422
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:36,469
for childcare purposes.

423
00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:38,638
I don't have any kids.

424
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:41,508
I do this for me.

425
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:42,409
Dismissed.

426
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:45,211
Next.

427
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:49,149
I'm afraid I cannot serve
as I could not be impartial.

428
00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:53,353
I already know he's guilty
because I'm from the future.

429
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:54,888
The defendant is a she.

430
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,356
Sit back down.

431
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:59,893
I suppose in that case,
I must return to the future.

432
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,201
We got a crawler

433
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:09,936
Next.

434
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:12,105
Hi. I know you said no work
exceptions,

435
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:14,474
but I have a really big night
coming up at work.

436
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:18,244
Jay-Z
is eating at my restaurant.

437
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,180
Ma'am,
I do not know how to tell you

438
00:21:20,213 --> 00:21:21,514
this, but this sounds to me

439
00:21:21,548 --> 00:21:24,417
like the work of a man
named Todd Mongo.

440
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,086
Okay. Next.

441
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,487
I see what y'all trying to do.

442
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,255
Y'all trying
to put a black man in jail.

443
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,790
So you need a black man
on the jury

444
00:21:30,824 --> 00:21:32,859
so you can sleep at night.

445
00:21:32,892 --> 00:21:36,796
Sir, everyone involved in
this case is Korean American.

446
00:21:36,830 --> 00:21:38,164
Okay, I see what this is.

447
00:21:38,198 --> 00:21:40,000
Y'all
trying to put a Korean American

448
00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:43,636
man in jail, so you need a proud
Korean American man.

449
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:46,673
Enough. Next. Next.

450
00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:47,941
I have a question.

451
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:52,412
Has Luigi
been receiving my nudes?

452
00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:53,713
Excuse me.

453
00:21:53,747 --> 00:21:55,915
It's a simple question,
Your Honor.

454
00:21:55,949 --> 00:21:59,686
Has Luigi Mangione
been receiving the photograph

455
00:21:59,719 --> 00:22:04,858
of my bare
breasts and spread posterior?

456
00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:05,325
What?

457
00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:07,527
You're dismissed.

458
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:11,264
Overruled.

459
00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:12,832
Yeah.

460
00:22:12,866 --> 00:22:14,668
I'd like to see where this goes.

461
00:22:14,701 --> 00:22:16,136
Why don't you, approach
the bench

462
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,772
where I can examine them
nudie pictures?

463
00:22:18,805 --> 00:22:20,740
Both of you are dismissed.

464
00:22:20,774 --> 00:22:22,108
Next.

465
00:22:22,142 --> 00:22:25,345
Hi. I'm Chloe Fineman,
and I've prepared

466
00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:26,846
some impressions for you.

467
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,149
This is Parker
Posey in White Lotus.

468
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:31,351
Piper, no.

469
00:22:31,384 --> 00:22:33,219
No impressions in my court.

470
00:22:33,253 --> 00:22:35,221
No, no, please, please,
I need this.

471
00:22:35,255 --> 00:22:36,856
Piper. Na.

472
00:22:36,890 --> 00:22:39,392
No, ma'am.

473
00:22:39,426 --> 00:22:40,860
All right, all right.

474
00:22:40,894 --> 00:22:42,629
Next.

475
00:22:42,662 --> 00:22:45,298
I just want to say
I have been receiving

476
00:22:45,331 --> 00:22:48,435
that woman's nudes.

477
00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:51,805
And, ma'am, you got to stop.

478
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:53,907
Well, you're not supposed to be
here, Mr.

479
00:22:53,940 --> 00:22:56,176
Mangione. Bailiff. Next.

480
00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:57,777
And you know what, sir?

481
00:22:57,811 --> 00:23:03,049
You know, I'm going to go ahead
and dismiss you now. Wow.

482
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,884
Let me make a wild guess.

483
00:23:04,918 --> 00:23:09,923
It's because I'm white.

484
00:23:09,956 --> 00:23:12,359
Guys,
I'm having a really tough day.

485
00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:15,929
This morning, my kid threw up
and, yeah, some got in my mouth.

486
00:23:15,962 --> 00:23:18,932
So I really, really need
the next person to be normal.

487
00:23:18,965 --> 00:23:21,968
So, sir, tell me,
why do you need to be dismissed?

488
00:23:24,771 --> 00:23:26,306
These beautiful things

489
00:23:26,339 --> 00:23:29,342
that I've gone through.

490
00:23:30,944 --> 00:23:33,446
No no no no, no,
the trial is canceled

491
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,783
These beautiful things
I|ve done

492
00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:51,731
Fort Lauderdale is crazy.

493
00:23:51,765 --> 00:23:52,732
>> I KNOW, RIGHT?

494
00:23:52,766 --> 00:23:53,967
>> BABE, DO YOU HAVE YOUR

495
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,769
CHARGER?

496
00:23:55,802 --> 00:24:00,206
>> YEAH, I THINK IT'S IN MY BAG.

497
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:08,048
**

498
00:24:08,048 --> 00:24:11,117
HEY, BABE.

499
00:24:11,151 --> 00:24:12,819
THE SOCCER GUYS WANTED TO MEET

500
00:24:12,852 --> 00:24:15,522
UP LATER --

501
00:24:15,555 --> 00:24:16,289
>> ZACH.

502
00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:17,290
IS THIS AN ENGAGEMENT RING?

503
00:24:17,323 --> 00:24:18,258
>> IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A

504
00:24:18,291 --> 00:24:20,060
SURPRISE.

505
00:24:20,060 --> 00:24:21,061
>> BABY, SLOW DOWN.

506
00:24:21,061 --> 00:24:22,262
>> HAD THE WHOLE THING PLANNED

507
00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:23,830
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT AT THE BEACH.

508
00:24:23,863 --> 00:24:27,100
>> OH, MY GOD.

509
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:28,635
[ LAUGHTER ]

510
00:24:28,668 --> 00:24:29,903
>> WHAT'S WRONG?

511
00:24:29,936 --> 00:24:30,904
>> CRAZY DRUNK BITCH!

512
00:24:30,937 --> 00:24:32,639
>> WHAT'D YOU CALL MY GIRL?

513
00:24:32,672 --> 00:24:34,174
>> WE CAN'T GET ENGAGED.

514
00:24:34,207 --> 00:24:38,178
>> WHY NOT?

515
00:24:38,211 --> 00:24:38,611
[ LAUGHTER ]

516
00:24:39,212 --> 00:24:39,713
>> I'M STILL IN COLLEGE.

517
00:24:39,746 --> 00:24:43,283
>> I LOVE YOU, SADIE.

518
00:24:43,316 --> 00:24:44,084
>> YOU OKAY, MAN?

519
00:24:44,084 --> 00:24:45,552
>> AND I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME.

520
00:24:45,585 --> 00:24:46,086
>> I DO LOVE YOU.

521
00:24:46,086 --> 00:24:46,519
>> HE'S OKAY!

522
00:24:46,553 --> 00:24:47,287
>> YOU KNOW THAT.

523
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,089
>> LADY!

524
00:24:49,089 --> 00:24:49,589
WHAT'S UP?

525
00:24:49,622 --> 00:24:51,091
WHAT SCHOOL Y'ALL GO TO?

526
00:24:51,091 --> 00:24:54,094
>> THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

527
00:24:54,094 --> 00:24:54,728
WE'VE TALKED ABOUT GETTING

528
00:24:54,761 --> 00:24:55,261
MARRIED.

529
00:24:55,295 --> 00:24:56,096
>> SOMEDAY.

530
00:24:56,096 --> 00:24:56,763
I JUST --

531
00:24:56,796 --> 00:24:59,766
>> NO WAY, I GO TO HARVARD TOO!

532
00:24:59,799 --> 00:25:01,768
>> I JUST THINK WE NEED TO

533
00:25:01,801 --> 00:25:03,036
GRADUATE AND LIVE SOME LIFE

534
00:25:03,069 --> 00:25:04,270
FIRST.

535
00:25:04,304 --> 00:25:06,740
>> I SEE.

536
00:25:06,773 --> 00:25:08,475
>> SIR, THIS AREA IS FOR HOTEL

537
00:25:08,508 --> 00:25:09,175
GUESTS ONLY, OKAY?

538
00:25:09,209 --> 00:25:10,777
>> HOW YOU KNOW I AIN'T ONE?

539
00:25:10,810 --> 00:25:11,478
>> YOU WANT TO BE WITH OTHER

540
00:25:11,511 --> 00:25:11,878
GUYS, HUH?

541
00:25:12,479 --> 00:25:12,779
>> YOU ARE NOT A COLLEGE

542
00:25:12,812 --> 00:25:14,547
STUDENT.

543
00:25:14,581 --> 00:25:15,215
AND YOU ARE NOT A GUEST.

544
00:25:15,248 --> 00:25:18,351
>> DON'T DO THAT.

545
00:25:18,385 --> 00:25:19,085
I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ANYBODY

546
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:20,887
ELSE.

547
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:21,654
OUR LIVES ARE JUST GETTING

548
00:25:21,688 --> 00:25:24,691
STARTED.

549
00:25:24,724 --> 00:25:26,126
AND I DON'T WANT TO RUSH INTO

550
00:25:26,159 --> 00:25:28,661
ANYTHING.

551
00:25:28,695 --> 00:25:29,629
>> I'M NOT RUSHING.

552
00:25:29,662 --> 00:25:30,930
I THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT THIS,

553
00:25:30,964 --> 00:25:33,667
SADIE.

554
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:36,269
IT'S ALL I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT.

555
00:25:36,302 --> 00:25:37,270
>> I'M GONNA JUMP OFF THE

556
00:25:37,303 --> 00:25:43,810
BALCONY INTO THE POOL!

557
00:25:43,843 --> 00:25:45,211
>> YOU THINK I'D GO OUT AND

558
00:25:45,245 --> 00:25:46,780
SPEND EVERY DIME I HAD ON A RING

559
00:25:46,813 --> 00:25:47,480
IF I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT,

560
00:25:47,514 --> 00:25:48,415
BABY?

561
00:25:48,448 --> 00:25:49,416
>> JAZZY, JAZZY, JAZZY, AAHHH!

562
00:25:49,449 --> 00:25:50,150
>> I DON'T NEED A RING TO KNOW

563
00:25:50,183 --> 00:25:54,654
THAT YOU LOVE ME, ZACH.

564
00:25:54,688 --> 00:25:55,088
>> I'M FINE.

565
00:25:55,088 --> 00:25:55,689
I'M FINE.

566
00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:56,656
>> I JUST FEEL STUPID NOW.

567
00:25:56,690 --> 00:25:58,391
>> ZACH.

568
00:25:58,425 --> 00:25:59,659
>> LADIES, LADIES!

569
00:25:59,693 --> 00:26:01,661
Y'ALL WANT TO GO ON A JET SKI?

570
00:26:01,695 --> 00:26:02,395
>> YEAH.

571
00:26:02,429 --> 00:26:03,897
>> NO.

572
00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:06,399
>> DON'T FEEL STUPID.

573
00:26:06,433 --> 00:26:07,901
>> THERE YOU ARE.

574
00:26:07,934 --> 00:26:09,669
>> OH NO.

575
00:26:09,703 --> 00:26:10,904
>> DO IT!

576
00:26:10,937 --> 00:26:15,742
>> YOU'RE A MAN.

577
00:26:15,775 --> 00:26:18,211
>> YOU CAN DO THIS.

578
00:26:18,244 --> 00:26:18,578
ARRGGHH!

579
00:26:19,112 --> 00:26:20,046
I LOVE THAT [ BLEEP ]!

580
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:20,580
>> CRAZY WHITE BOY.

581
00:26:20,613 --> 00:26:26,052
>> SURE.

582
00:26:26,052 --> 00:26:29,289
>> YOU RAN OVER MY FOOT, LADY!

583
00:26:29,322 --> 00:26:30,056
>> I GUESS I'LL SEE IF I CAN

584
00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:32,058
RETURN IT.

585
00:26:32,058 --> 00:26:35,628
>> IF YOU WANT TO.

586
00:26:35,662 --> 00:26:37,797
>> MY SCOOTER NOW, BITCH!

587
00:26:37,831 --> 00:26:40,066
>> YOU CAN KEEP IT.

588
00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:43,503
>> ANYBODY, HELP!

589
00:26:43,536 --> 00:26:46,272
>> SOMEDAY, AFTER WE'VE GROWN

590
00:26:46,306 --> 00:26:48,274
TOGETHER AND WE'RE READY, YOU

591
00:26:48,308 --> 00:26:50,076
CAN GIVE IT BACK TO ME.

592
00:26:50,076 --> 00:26:55,715
>> OH!

593
00:26:55,749 --> 00:26:58,651
>> YOU WANT THIS DEAL?

594
00:26:58,685 --> 00:26:59,152
>> DEAL?

595
00:26:59,185 --> 00:27:07,427
>> DEAL.

596
00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:10,263
>> POOL'S CLOSED.

597
00:27:10,296 --> 00:27:10,830
>> HEY.

598
00:27:10,864 --> 00:27:11,898
>> POOL IS CLOSED.

599
00:27:11,931 --> 00:27:15,035
>> WHAT IF I GO GET A PIZZA AND

600
00:27:15,035 --> 00:27:16,403
SOME BEERS AND WE STAY IN

601
00:27:16,436 --> 00:27:16,870
TONIGHT?

602
00:27:16,903 --> 00:27:18,438
>> I'D LOVE THAT.

603
00:27:18,471 --> 00:27:26,346
**

604
00:27:44,364 --> 00:27:46,599
>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MORGAN

605
00:27:46,633 --> 00:27:47,667
WALLEN.

606
00:27:47,701 --> 00:27:49,669
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

607
00:27:49,703 --> 00:27:55,308
**

608
00:27:55,342 --> 00:27:59,813
**

609
00:27:59,846 --> 00:28:01,881
* YOU SAY I'LL NEVER CHANGE

610
00:28:01,915 --> 00:28:03,149
I'M JUST A GO AROUND TOWN

611
00:28:03,183 --> 00:28:04,150
WITH SOME GASOLINE *

612
00:28:04,184 --> 00:28:05,585
* JUST TRYIN' TO BUM A FLAME

613
00:28:05,618 --> 00:28:06,386
GONNA BURN THE

614
00:28:06,419 --> 00:28:08,822
WHOLE PLACE DOWN *

615
00:28:08,855 --> 00:28:10,657
* HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN

616
00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:12,158
EVER FALLIN' IN LOVE

617
00:28:12,192 --> 00:28:13,893
WITH A GUY LIKE ME

618
00:28:13,927 --> 00:28:17,831
IN THE FIRST PLACE *

619
00:28:17,864 --> 00:28:19,366
* WHEN TURN AROUND SAY

620
00:28:19,399 --> 00:28:20,367
THAT I'M THE WORST THING *

621
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:21,735
* I GUESS I'M THE PROBLEM

622
00:28:21,768 --> 00:28:22,168
AND YOU'RE

623
00:28:22,769 --> 00:28:26,339
MISS NEVER DO NO WRONG *

624
00:28:26,373 --> 00:28:30,076
* IF I'M SO AWFUL

625
00:28:30,110 --> 00:28:32,379
THEN WHY'D YOU

626
00:28:32,412 --> 00:28:33,413
STICK AROUND THIS LONG *

627
00:28:33,446 --> 00:28:34,748
* AND IF IT'S THE WHISKEY

628
00:28:34,781 --> 00:28:35,382
THEN WHY YOU KEEP ON

629
00:28:35,415 --> 00:28:36,816
PULLIN' IT OFF THE SHELF *

630
00:28:36,850 --> 00:28:39,152
* YOU HATE THAT WHEN

631
00:28:39,185 --> 00:28:41,388
YOU LOOK AT ME

632
00:28:41,421 --> 00:28:42,589
YOU HALFWAY SEE YOURSELF *

633
00:28:42,622 --> 00:28:44,057
* AND IT GOT ME THINKIN'

634
00:28:44,057 --> 00:28:44,591
IF I'M THE PROBLEM

635
00:28:44,624 --> 00:28:46,793
YOU MIGHT BE THE REASON *

636
00:28:46,826 --> 00:28:54,834
**

637
00:28:54,868 --> 00:28:56,636
* WE TRY TO GO

638
00:28:56,670 --> 00:28:57,871
OUR SEPARATE WAYS

639
00:28:57,904 --> 00:28:58,905
WE'RE BACK AND FORTH

640
00:28:58,938 --> 00:29:00,840
LIKE A SWINGIN' DOOR *

641
00:29:00,874 --> 00:29:02,142
* AND TOMORROW'S

642
00:29:02,175 --> 00:29:03,376
LIKE YESTERDAY

643
00:29:03,410 --> 00:29:04,377
SOME DAYS BETTER THAN

644
00:29:04,411 --> 00:29:05,378
THE NIGHT BEFORE *

645
00:29:05,412 --> 00:29:06,880
* AND YOU'RE BACK

646
00:29:06,913 --> 00:29:07,881
WITH ME AGAIN

647
00:29:07,914 --> 00:29:09,115
THEN YOU GO AND

648
00:29:09,149 --> 00:29:12,052
TELL YOUR FRIENDS *

649
00:29:12,085 --> 00:29:13,887
* THAT I'M THE PROBLEM

650
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:15,121
AND YOU'RE

651
00:29:15,155 --> 00:29:16,823
MISS NEVER DO NO WRONG *

652
00:29:16,856 --> 00:29:18,158
* IF I'M SO AWFUL

653
00:29:18,191 --> 00:29:19,359
THEN WHY'D YOU

654
00:29:19,392 --> 00:29:21,094
STICK AROUND THIS LONG *

655
00:29:21,127 --> 00:29:22,662
* AND IF IT'S THE WHISKEY

656
00:29:22,696 --> 00:29:23,897
THEN WHY YOU KEEP ON

657
00:29:23,930 --> 00:29:25,565
PULLIN' IT OFF THE SHELF *

658
00:29:25,598 --> 00:29:27,400
* YOU HATE THAT WHEN

659
00:29:27,434 --> 00:29:28,902
YOU LOOK AT ME

660
00:29:28,935 --> 00:29:30,804
YOU HALFWAY SEE YOURSELF *

661
00:29:30,837 --> 00:29:32,872
* AND IT GOT ME THINKIN'

662
00:29:32,906 --> 00:29:35,408
IF I'M THE PROBLEM

663
00:29:35,442 --> 00:29:39,346
YOU MIGHT BE THE REASON *

664
00:29:39,379 --> 00:29:46,820
**

665
00:29:46,853 --> 00:29:48,054
* IF I'M SUCH A

666
00:29:48,088 --> 00:29:49,122
WASTE OF BREATH

667
00:29:49,155 --> 00:29:52,258
SUCH A WASTE OF TIME *

668
00:29:52,292 --> 00:29:53,893
* THEN WHY YOU ON YOUR WAY

669
00:29:53,927 --> 00:29:55,128
TO WASTE ANOTHER

670
00:29:55,161 --> 00:29:57,297
FRIDAY NIGHT *

671
00:29:57,330 --> 00:29:58,665
* IF I'M THE PROBLEM

672
00:29:58,698 --> 00:29:59,899
AND YOU'RE

673
00:30:00,066 --> 00:30:02,068
MISS NEVER DO NO WRONG *

674
00:30:02,102 --> 00:30:05,138
* IF I'M SO AWFUL

675
00:30:05,171 --> 00:30:06,373
THEN WHY'D YOU

676
00:30:06,406 --> 00:30:07,841
STICK AROUND THIS LONG *

677
00:30:07,874 --> 00:30:10,643
* AND IF IT'S THE WHISKEY

678
00:30:10,677 --> 00:30:14,080
THEN WHY YOU KEEP ON

679
00:30:14,114 --> 00:30:15,782
PULLIN' IT OFF THE SHELF *

680
00:30:15,815 --> 00:30:17,150
* YOU HATE THAT WHEN

681
00:30:17,183 --> 00:30:17,617
YOU LOOK AT ME

682
00:30:18,251 --> 00:30:18,818
YOU HALFWAY SEE YOURSELF *

683
00:30:18,852 --> 00:30:20,620
* AND IT GOT ME THINKIN'

684
00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:22,856
IF I'M THE PROBLEM

685
00:30:22,889 --> 00:30:27,293
YOU MIGHT BE THE REASON *

686
00:30:27,327 --> 00:30:31,564
**

687
00:30:31,598 --> 00:30:38,972
**

688
00:30:39,005 --> 00:30:48,281
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

689
00:30:58,425 --> 00:31:01,227
It's Weekend
Update with Colin Jost

690
00:31:01,261 --> 00:31:04,264
and Michael Che.

691
00:31:09,202 --> 00:31:10,370
Good evening everyone.

692
00:31:10,403 --> 00:31:11,371
Welcome to Weekend Update.

693
00:31:11,404 --> 00:31:14,407
I'm Michael Che, Colin Jost.

694
00:31:16,409 --> 00:31:19,079
Well, this week
we learned our entire national

695
00:31:19,079 --> 00:31:23,383
security team has the texting
skills of my Aunt Janet.

696
00:31:23,416 --> 00:31:26,319
Secretary of defense Pete
Hegseth, seen here

697
00:31:26,353 --> 00:31:29,356
indicating how many days
since his last drink.

698
00:31:32,992 --> 00:31:34,961
Sent a detailed attack plan

699
00:31:34,994 --> 00:31:37,330
for an airstrike in Yemen
to a text

700
00:31:37,364 --> 00:31:39,132
chain that accidentally included

701
00:31:39,165 --> 00:31:41,568
the editor
of the Atlantic magazine,

702
00:31:41,601 --> 00:31:44,004
of all people,
to accidentally add to the chat.

703
00:31:44,104 --> 00:31:46,272
It was the editor
of The Atlantic.

704
00:31:46,306 --> 00:31:48,942
That's like if you were planning
a surprise quinceanera

705
00:31:48,975 --> 00:31:51,978
and you cc Jared from subway.

706
00:31:55,448 --> 00:31:57,450
Take his side.

707
00:31:57,484 --> 00:32:00,286
After the attack,
National Security Adviser Mike

708
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:01,788
Walsh texted the group.

709
00:32:01,821 --> 00:32:06,126
The fist emoji, the flag
emoji and the Tesla emoji.

710
00:32:10,296 --> 00:32:14,067
Wolf later explained
this was his real explanation

711
00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:15,502
that the journalist's number

712
00:32:15,535 --> 00:32:18,705
must have gotten, quote,
sucked onto his phone.

713
00:32:19,839 --> 00:32:23,076
Worse, he then tried to get rid
of the number by saying, Siri,

714
00:32:23,076 --> 00:32:26,079
how do I suck
the journalists off?

715
00:32:29,549 --> 00:32:32,552
Of course, before the full
transcript was released,

716
00:32:32,786 --> 00:32:33,887
Haig's have had denied

717
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,923
that any sensitive attack
plans were shared saying this.

718
00:32:37,357 --> 00:32:39,826
Nobody was texting

719
00:32:39,859 --> 00:32:42,862
war plans and that's all
I have to say about that,

720
00:32:43,296 --> 00:32:44,664
That's all
I have to say about that.

721
00:32:44,698 --> 00:32:46,700
Why does that sound familiar?

722
00:32:46,733 --> 00:32:49,736
And that's all
I had to say about.

723
00:32:51,171 --> 00:32:51,738
Oh, man.

724
00:32:51,771 --> 00:32:54,240
He went full gum

725
00:32:54,274 --> 00:32:55,175
and severed heads.

726
00:32:55,208 --> 00:32:58,211
Half life
is more like a box of wine.

727
00:32:59,846 --> 00:33:02,582
Homeland Security
Secretary Kristi Noem visited

728
00:33:02,615 --> 00:33:05,618
a prison holding deported
migrants in El Salvador.

729
00:33:05,852 --> 00:33:07,087
Even though it looks more like

730
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,389
she's trying to beat
a world record on only fans.

731
00:33:14,861 --> 00:33:17,697
FBI Director Casper
Patel announced that the agency

732
00:33:17,731 --> 00:33:21,167
is launching an investigation
into anti Musk vandalism

733
00:33:21,201 --> 00:33:24,337
at Tesla dealerships, calling
the acts domestic terrorism,

734
00:33:24,571 --> 00:33:27,574
which is a federal crime
punishable by a full pardon.

735
00:33:30,343 --> 00:33:30,777
Yeah.

736
00:33:30,810 --> 00:33:31,644
No, you know what?

737
00:33:31,678 --> 00:33:33,713
Those processes
better be very careful,

738
00:33:33,747 --> 00:33:36,716
because Patel has eyes
everywhere.

739
00:33:38,818 --> 00:33:41,154
Yeah, he does.

740
00:33:41,187 --> 00:33:42,422
Vice president J.D.

741
00:33:42,455 --> 00:33:44,457
Vance,
seen here watching the plane

742
00:33:44,491 --> 00:33:47,494
leave Greenland without him.

743
00:33:48,895 --> 00:33:52,198
Continued his sad
reboot of Veep this week

744
00:33:52,399 --> 00:33:55,135
by by visiting our military base

745
00:33:55,168 --> 00:33:57,170
there and delivering
the administration's

746
00:33:57,203 --> 00:33:59,005
clearest threats so far.

747
00:33:59,105 --> 00:34:01,941
Either Greenland joins the U.S.,
or the U.S.

748
00:34:02,042 --> 00:34:03,176
will keep sending them.

749
00:34:03,209 --> 00:34:06,179
J.D. Vance.

750
00:34:06,646 --> 00:34:10,283
And an anonymous survey of oil
executives reveals

751
00:34:10,316 --> 00:34:12,052
that many of them think
President Trump's

752
00:34:12,085 --> 00:34:14,254
drill baby drill
message is a myth,

753
00:34:14,287 --> 00:34:16,289
and his tariffs are a disaster.

754
00:34:16,322 --> 00:34:19,359
But there's one billionaire
oil man who still supports

755
00:34:19,392 --> 00:34:20,593
Donald Trump. Did he?

756
00:34:26,266 --> 00:34:26,866
Oh, man.

757
00:34:26,900 --> 00:34:29,936
Come on, have perfect.

758
00:34:29,969 --> 00:34:30,804
Oil, man.

759
00:34:30,837 --> 00:34:33,840
How are you, man?

760
00:34:34,374 --> 00:34:35,742
This week, the Secret Service

761
00:34:35,775 --> 00:34:38,078
intercepted a toddler
after he slipped

762
00:34:38,111 --> 00:34:40,447
through the fence
outside the white House.

763
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,483
Anyway, he's here now.

764
00:34:48,088 --> 00:34:49,289
This is a dirty show.

765
00:34:49,322 --> 00:34:50,523
Yeah.

766
00:34:50,557 --> 00:34:53,893
Colorado officials have removed
a portrait of President Trump

767
00:34:54,227 --> 00:34:56,296
from the state capitol
after Trump complained

768
00:34:56,329 --> 00:34:57,697
that it didn't look good,
calling

769
00:34:57,731 --> 00:35:00,066
it purposefully distorted.

770
00:35:00,100 --> 00:35:03,036
In the artist's defense, Trump
did pose for the portrait

771
00:35:03,069 --> 00:35:06,072
with a hamburger
inside his mouth.

772
00:35:09,075 --> 00:35:10,610
Fitness influencer

773
00:35:10,643 --> 00:35:13,747
Ashton Hall has made headlines
this week with his morning

774
00:35:13,780 --> 00:35:15,582
routine videos
that have garnered.

775
00:35:15,615 --> 00:35:18,218
Yeah, you know, the guy.

776
00:35:18,251 --> 00:35:21,187
They've garnered
nearly 1 million views online.

777
00:35:21,221 --> 00:35:24,224
Here to comment
is our very own Devin Walker.

778
00:35:27,527 --> 00:35:30,363
Here you will rise
and Brian say.

779
00:35:30,397 --> 00:35:32,432
Rise and grind.

780
00:35:32,465 --> 00:35:33,566
It's midnight bro.

781
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,702
Oh, right. Right, right.

782
00:35:35,735 --> 00:35:37,904
I've been grinding so much that
I've been losing track of time.

783
00:35:37,937 --> 00:35:38,405
You know,

784
00:35:39,406 --> 00:35:40,573
everybody's been talking about
this dude's videos

785
00:35:40,607 --> 00:35:42,776
and his morning routine, but
I've been doing that, all right?

786
00:35:42,809 --> 00:35:44,177
He stole my whole flow.

787
00:35:44,210 --> 00:35:46,212
Word for word, bar for bar.

788
00:35:46,246 --> 00:35:48,214
You do that? Yeah, man.

789
00:35:48,248 --> 00:35:50,083
How do you think I got to
where I am today?

790
00:35:50,083 --> 00:35:52,585
Out of all the cast members
that are currently on SNL,

791
00:35:52,619 --> 00:35:53,620
I'm definitely one of them.

792
00:35:54,954 --> 00:35:57,357
I don't know, I've never
seen you do anything like that.

793
00:35:57,390 --> 00:36:00,393
Jay, you don't be coming
to work.

794
00:36:01,127 --> 00:36:02,095
For those of y'all at home.

795
00:36:02,128 --> 00:36:04,864
This the first time
I seen this man all week.

796
00:36:04,898 --> 00:36:07,467
I think people need to know
my work schedule, brother.

797
00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:08,935
You know,
I knew you wouldn't believe me.

798
00:36:09,035 --> 00:36:11,404
And so me and my team put
together a little short film.

799
00:36:11,438 --> 00:36:11,838
Okay.

800
00:36:12,806 --> 00:36:14,841
And on our SNL 50,
this is the day in the life

801
00:36:14,874 --> 00:36:16,209
of an SNL cast member.

802
00:36:16,242 --> 00:36:19,245
Hey, yo, y'all play that video,
okay?

803
00:36:34,861 --> 00:36:36,629
It's.

804
00:36:36,663 --> 00:36:39,666
You like that?

805
00:36:40,500 --> 00:36:42,669
You like that?

806
00:36:42,702 --> 00:36:44,304
Who's this for?

807
00:36:44,337 --> 00:36:46,072
Also, are you sleeping
in your dressing?

808
00:36:46,072 --> 00:36:49,476
Yeah, man, you got to be at work
to be at work.

809
00:36:49,509 --> 00:36:51,177
Okay. I'm
trying to be one of the greats.

810
00:36:51,211 --> 00:36:53,380
And that don't come
without sacrifice.

811
00:36:53,413 --> 00:36:54,781
So I sacrifice my apartment.

812
00:36:55,949 --> 00:36:56,282
Some would

813
00:36:57,350 --> 00:36:59,352
call that eviction,
but I call that being locked in.

814
00:36:59,386 --> 00:37:02,389
Well, it sounds like you're
locked out.

815
00:37:02,856 --> 00:37:06,026
The only place we see was
at Buffalo Wild Wings.

816
00:37:06,026 --> 00:37:06,760
This man be drinking

817
00:37:08,028 --> 00:37:09,763
craft beers and dropping pins
for the waitresses to pick up.

818
00:37:10,030 --> 00:37:11,197
I have slippery hands.

819
00:37:11,231 --> 00:37:14,501
Hey, yo, just play
the next video, man.

820
00:37:14,534 --> 00:37:16,269
This next part
is about my writing process.

821
00:37:16,302 --> 00:37:19,305
Okay.

822
00:37:24,944 --> 00:37:27,947
And lie and lie and laugh.

823
00:37:29,049 --> 00:37:32,052
Thank you.

824
00:37:33,620 --> 00:37:34,888
Do you know who this is?

825
00:37:34,921 --> 00:37:36,656
Yes. Jay. Pharoah.

826
00:37:36,690 --> 00:37:39,659
I'm jay Pharoah.

827
00:37:43,596 --> 00:37:45,899
Are you okay?

828
00:37:45,932 --> 00:37:48,234
Oh, so now you care about
the only black person

829
00:37:48,268 --> 00:37:50,637
who works here? I'm black too.

830
00:37:50,670 --> 00:37:53,673
I said who works here?

831
00:37:53,973 --> 00:37:54,541
What do you do?

832
00:37:54,574 --> 00:37:55,608
From Monday to Friday?

833
00:37:55,642 --> 00:37:58,111
You got no wife, no kids.

834
00:37:58,144 --> 00:37:59,279
They pay you as much as Colin.

835
00:38:00,313 --> 00:38:01,081
Because.

836
00:38:01,114 --> 00:38:03,016
Because. Colin. Be here.
My business.

837
00:38:03,016 --> 00:38:04,617
All right.

838
00:38:04,651 --> 00:38:06,586
I think you might be doing too
much, is all I'm saying.

839
00:38:06,619 --> 00:38:08,188
Course
you think I'm doing too much.

840
00:38:08,221 --> 00:38:11,291
Because, again,
you don't be here

841
00:38:11,324 --> 00:38:12,625
to watch arrested man.

842
00:38:12,659 --> 00:38:14,027
You might learn yourself
a little something.

843
00:38:14,027 --> 00:38:17,030
I don't know.

844
00:38:24,037 --> 00:38:27,040
Oh, God.

845
00:38:31,378 --> 00:38:32,746
Thank you.

846
00:38:32,779 --> 00:38:35,782
You're welcome. Kay.

847
00:38:41,888 --> 00:38:43,890
Devon, the sketch is cut.

848
00:38:43,923 --> 00:38:46,926
Yeah, but

849
00:38:47,460 --> 00:38:47,694
wait.

850
00:38:47,727 --> 00:38:50,697
What?

851
00:38:52,465 --> 00:38:53,099
Devon.

852
00:38:53,133 --> 00:38:53,800
What? They.

853
00:38:54,834 --> 00:38:56,403
Did you shoot this
shutter on Monday? On a Monday?

854
00:38:56,436 --> 00:38:58,438
We don't write sketches
until Tuesday.

855
00:38:58,471 --> 00:38:59,906
What did you do
for the rest of the week?

856
00:39:00,006 --> 00:39:00,640
Can I be honest?

857
00:39:01,541 --> 00:39:02,475
Yeah, I just be roaming
around the office

858
00:39:02,509 --> 00:39:05,478
pretending to be you
because you don't be here.

859
00:39:06,846 --> 00:39:07,380
Play it flat.

860
00:39:08,581 --> 00:39:10,216
Flat. Nice to meet you. I'm
Michael Che. Great to meet you.

861
00:39:10,250 --> 00:39:11,685
Great to meet
you. So nice to meet you.

862
00:39:14,020 --> 00:39:15,555
Devin Walker, everybody.

863
00:39:15,588 --> 00:39:19,459
You know, I'm not sure
I'm here, but we met you.

864
00:39:21,261 --> 00:39:22,762
A Trump is backing a bill

865
00:39:22,796 --> 00:39:25,899
that would protect people
from deep fake revenge porn.

866
00:39:25,932 --> 00:39:28,935
Which I have sadly been
the victim of.

867
00:39:34,774 --> 00:39:35,442
Will Smith

868
00:39:36,643 --> 00:39:39,312
has released his first new album
in 20 years, and ironically,

869
00:39:39,346 --> 00:39:42,349
the album doesn't slap.

870
00:39:46,419 --> 00:39:46,920
Thank you.

871
00:39:46,953 --> 00:39:49,289
Thank you. Thank you.

872
00:39:49,322 --> 00:39:50,156
Please sit. Down.

873
00:39:50,190 --> 00:39:51,858
Sit down.

874
00:39:51,891 --> 00:39:54,327
The genetic testing
company, 23 in me

875
00:39:54,361 --> 00:39:57,897
says it is bankrupt
and also 2% Cherokee.

876
00:40:00,767 --> 00:40:03,269
I thought.

877
00:40:03,303 --> 00:40:05,305
A judge in England
sentencing two men

878
00:40:05,338 --> 00:40:05,905
for stealing

879
00:40:06,973 --> 00:40:08,708
a statue of Paddington
Bear, said their actions were

880
00:40:08,742 --> 00:40:11,878
the antithesis of everything
Paddington stands for.

881
00:40:12,479 --> 00:40:15,482
You know, everyone
thinks Paddington is so great.

882
00:40:15,915 --> 00:40:17,650
Which brings me to my segment.

883
00:40:17,684 --> 00:40:18,585
Hear me out.

884
00:40:23,156 --> 00:40:24,391
What?

885
00:40:24,424 --> 00:40:25,425
Hear me out.

886
00:40:25,458 --> 00:40:28,461
Oh, Paddington is a toxic bitch.

887
00:40:29,863 --> 00:40:32,232
He's an illegal immigrant,

888
00:40:32,265 --> 00:40:35,602
freeloading off a nice, gullible
white family.

889
00:40:36,269 --> 00:40:39,172
His sticky little marmalade paws

890
00:40:39,205 --> 00:40:41,941
are just waiting to rip
open that trench coat

891
00:40:41,975 --> 00:40:44,978
so we can flash our straight
children.

892
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,149
I can't wait to call ice

893
00:40:49,182 --> 00:40:52,185
on his Peruvian ass.

894
00:40:52,919 --> 00:40:53,820
Are you okay, cow?

895
00:40:53,853 --> 00:40:56,156
No, this is Ben.

896
00:40:56,189 --> 00:40:59,192
Hear me out.

897
00:41:02,095 --> 00:41:04,964
West Virginia has become
the first state to ban

898
00:41:05,065 --> 00:41:08,068
artificial food dyes,
which should make food healthier

899
00:41:08,068 --> 00:41:11,071
for the baby
you had with your cousin.

900
00:41:16,109 --> 00:41:16,443
Three

901
00:41:17,444 --> 00:41:19,412
teenage girls in Texas
tried to stab their mother

902
00:41:19,446 --> 00:41:22,449
to death
after she turned off the Wi-Fi.

903
00:41:22,782 --> 00:41:25,785
This story is brought to you
by plan B.

904
00:41:27,721 --> 00:41:30,724
Get them before they get you.

905
00:41:34,094 --> 00:41:35,762
I got the baby brand.

906
00:41:35,795 --> 00:41:39,499
Frida is releasing a breast milk
flavored ice cream.

907
00:41:39,532 --> 00:41:41,301
The flavor is
called What Happened to You?

908
00:41:45,538 --> 00:41:48,508
Scientists say that they've
developed a way of making foie

909
00:41:48,541 --> 00:41:51,745
gras that does not involve force
feeding ducks.

910
00:41:51,778 --> 00:41:53,546
Wow. That's great, said ducks.

911
00:41:53,580 --> 00:41:56,549
What about the murder?

912
00:41:57,851 --> 00:41:58,885
A 66 year old

913
00:41:58,918 --> 00:42:02,655
woman in Germany has given birth
to her 10th child.

914
00:42:02,689 --> 00:42:05,692
This, according to her vagina's
suicide note.

915
00:42:08,928 --> 00:42:11,564
But Regina killed himself.

916
00:42:11,598 --> 00:42:13,633
This is a weird transition
this week, Joann.

917
00:42:13,667 --> 00:42:15,535
Fabric

918
00:42:15,568 --> 00:42:18,104
hosting Jo-Ann fabric announced
it will be closing

919
00:42:18,138 --> 00:42:20,106
all of its stores
by the end of April,

920
00:42:20,140 --> 00:42:23,143
as the company has filed
for chapter 11 bankruptcy.

921
00:42:23,176 --> 00:42:26,179
Here to comment is Joann.

922
00:42:28,715 --> 00:42:29,816
Marlowe's column.

923
00:42:29,849 --> 00:42:31,084
Hello everybody.

924
00:42:31,084 --> 00:42:34,354
I wish I were here under better,
better circumstances.

925
00:42:35,155 --> 00:42:37,257
Oh that's okay.
Joann from Joann's.

926
00:42:37,290 --> 00:42:40,460
I'm just I'm so sorry
about all the store closures.

927
00:42:40,660 --> 00:42:42,362
It's not okay.

928
00:42:42,395 --> 00:42:44,764
Closing a Joann's in the suburbs
is like closing

929
00:42:44,798 --> 00:42:47,567
a Planned Parenthood
in a college town.

930
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,202
Women will. Die.

931
00:42:50,370 --> 00:42:51,137
I don't

932
00:42:52,205 --> 00:42:54,107
know about that, but
this clearly means a lot to you.

933
00:42:54,107 --> 00:42:54,708
It means a lot

934
00:42:54,741 --> 00:42:56,576
to every Capri wearing woman

935
00:42:56,609 --> 00:42:59,612
with a boring husband
and a mean dog.

936
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,148
I just don't understand.

937
00:43:02,182 --> 00:43:03,483
Where do we go wrong?

938
00:43:03,516 --> 00:43:06,353
Joann's has everything.

939
00:43:06,386 --> 00:43:08,054
Fluorescent lighting,

940
00:43:08,088 --> 00:43:11,558
plastic succulents
with six layers of dust on them.

941
00:43:12,192 --> 00:43:13,893
And the best part?

942
00:43:13,927 --> 00:43:18,264
Every cashier is a retired nurse
with two wrist braces

943
00:43:18,298 --> 00:43:21,301
and the biggest breasts
you've ever seen.

944
00:43:22,902 --> 00:43:24,270
Yeah, that's right, I vented.

945
00:43:24,304 --> 00:43:26,072
Joanne.

946
00:43:26,072 --> 00:43:28,274
I truly don't understand.

947
00:43:28,308 --> 00:43:30,510
Last year was our best year yet.

948
00:43:30,543 --> 00:43:33,546
We made for thousand dollars

949
00:43:34,948 --> 00:43:35,815
in total.

950
00:43:35,849 --> 00:43:38,318
I know right?

951
00:43:38,351 --> 00:43:40,987
But it was
never about the money to me.

952
00:43:41,087 --> 00:43:44,591
I've been the boss for 80 years
and I've never stopped working

953
00:43:44,624 --> 00:43:45,558
in store.

954
00:43:45,592 --> 00:43:48,328
Every day I was living my dream.

955
00:43:48,361 --> 00:43:49,496
First thing I do

956
00:43:49,529 --> 00:43:53,133
when I get in, I check that we
always have Halloween stuff.

957
00:43:54,234 --> 00:43:56,169
Then I sweep the dust

958
00:43:56,202 --> 00:43:59,205
into a pile
and spread it back out.

959
00:44:00,073 --> 00:44:00,540
Power.

960
00:44:01,441 --> 00:44:03,510
Sniff a permanent marker
and I drive home.

961
00:44:05,412 --> 00:44:08,114
That's your whole day
at the store.

962
00:44:08,148 --> 00:44:11,151
Joanne's is more than just
a store.

963
00:44:11,484 --> 00:44:14,154
It's a sanctuary for women

964
00:44:14,187 --> 00:44:17,190
who wear pants to the beach.

965
00:44:18,058 --> 00:44:20,060
Joanne,
where are we going to now?

966
00:44:20,060 --> 00:44:20,860
I don't know.

967
00:44:20,894 --> 00:44:23,663
Target or Michael's?

968
00:44:23,697 --> 00:44:25,598
Michael's.

969
00:44:25,632 --> 00:44:26,266
Michael's.

970
00:44:26,299 --> 00:44:28,835
Arts and crafts.

971
00:44:28,868 --> 00:44:31,871
Let me tell you a little
something about Michael.

972
00:44:32,605 --> 00:44:35,608
He raped me.

973
00:44:35,842 --> 00:44:37,377
Oh, my God, Joey.

974
00:44:37,410 --> 00:44:40,413
Oh, fine. He didn't.

975
00:44:41,081 --> 00:44:41,781
Shoot me.

976
00:44:41,815 --> 00:44:43,283
You can't just say that.

977
00:44:43,316 --> 00:44:43,683
I don't even know.

978
00:44:44,250 --> 00:44:46,686
What I can say anymore.

979
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,155
Are you drinking right now?

980
00:44:49,189 --> 00:44:52,092
You know what ruined
us? Feminism.

981
00:44:52,125 --> 00:44:55,095
No, feminism destroyed us.

982
00:44:55,095 --> 00:44:58,098
Teach a woman to read
and she'll never craft again.

983
00:44:58,465 --> 00:45:00,667
Now we all want to be CEOs.

984
00:45:00,700 --> 00:45:02,635
Well, guess what, CEO.

985
00:45:02,669 --> 00:45:05,038
You kill Joann fabric.

986
00:45:05,038 --> 00:45:07,807
Oh my God. No! Joann.

987
00:45:12,879 --> 00:45:14,881
Looks great.

988
00:45:14,914 --> 00:45:17,050
I understand your distress,
but you got it.

989
00:45:17,050 --> 00:45:18,218
I mean, you lost a ton of money

990
00:45:18,251 --> 00:45:21,354
because you were constantly
running huge sales.

991
00:45:21,388 --> 00:45:24,257
You can't sell without sales.

992
00:45:24,290 --> 00:45:27,060
And right now, we're
running our biggest sale yet.

993
00:45:27,093 --> 00:45:29,195
You know, go, go. Bogo.

994
00:45:29,229 --> 00:45:30,730
Yes! Buy one, get one.

995
00:45:30,764 --> 00:45:34,134
Oh, well, we're doing Bon
Pago FOMO.

996
00:45:34,167 --> 00:45:35,835
Let go, Homo.

997
00:45:35,869 --> 00:45:38,605
It stands for buy once,
never pay again.

998
00:45:38,638 --> 00:45:40,407
Oh, females only.

999
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,410
Maybe one local homosexual.

1000
00:45:43,843 --> 00:45:45,278
Jillian for Jillian.

1001
00:45:45,311 --> 00:45:47,347
Fabric, everyone.

1002
00:45:47,380 --> 00:45:50,116
Now we're getting the weekend

1003
00:45:50,150 --> 00:45:51,985
Goodnight!

1004
00:46:04,864 --> 00:46:06,332
So do you think

1005
00:46:06,366 --> 00:46:08,268
O'Shaughnessy is really going
to hit us tonight?

1006
00:46:08,301 --> 00:46:09,703
If pop ain't worried,
I am worried.

1007
00:46:09,736 --> 00:46:12,038
Right. Well, Poppy,
not what he used. To be like.

1008
00:46:12,038 --> 00:46:13,707
Hey, you watch your mouth.

1009
00:46:13,740 --> 00:46:15,608
I'm still the biggest dork
in the game.

1010
00:46:15,642 --> 00:46:16,509
Boys.

1011
00:46:16,543 --> 00:46:19,112
My boys, please.

1012
00:46:19,145 --> 00:46:21,514
We've enough enemies as it is.

1013
00:46:21,548 --> 00:46:25,385
We have to be united now. Sam.

1014
00:46:25,418 --> 00:46:26,152
You're sorry. Pop.

1015
00:46:26,186 --> 00:46:28,288
Yeah, pop. Sorry about that.

1016
00:46:28,321 --> 00:46:30,290
My sweet boys.

1017
00:46:30,323 --> 00:46:30,657
We should.

1018
00:46:31,658 --> 00:46:33,793
Could have give you a life away
from this mess.

1019
00:46:33,827 --> 00:46:36,396
Now I'm just an old man.

1020
00:46:36,429 --> 00:46:37,697
An old man.

1021
00:46:37,731 --> 00:46:40,500
Full of regret for

1022
00:46:40,533 --> 00:46:43,536
some of.

1023
00:46:47,340 --> 00:46:48,108
You out of here!

1024
00:46:48,141 --> 00:46:50,477
Wait! No! Boys, please listen.

1025
00:46:50,510 --> 00:46:52,245
I don't have time.

1026
00:46:52,278 --> 00:46:54,347
Just know that I love you, boys.

1027
00:46:54,381 --> 00:46:56,282
We love you too, Papa.

1028
00:46:56,316 --> 00:46:58,551
I've got so many regrets.

1029
00:46:58,585 --> 00:47:01,021
So much I never got to do.

1030
00:47:01,054 --> 00:47:03,623
Never got to see my grandkids
grow up.

1031
00:47:03,656 --> 00:47:06,526
Never got to make an honest
woman out of your mother.

1032
00:47:06,559 --> 00:47:08,828
Oh, come on, pop, don't talk
like that.

1033
00:47:08,862 --> 00:47:10,864
We're
going to get you out of here.

1034
00:47:10,897 --> 00:47:14,501
Never got to do stand up.

1035
00:47:14,534 --> 00:47:16,169
And we did what?

1036
00:47:16,202 --> 00:47:18,304
Stand up comedy.

1037
00:47:18,338 --> 00:47:22,509
Boys wanted to try it,
but the never did.

1038
00:47:22,542 --> 00:47:23,710
Oh. Okay, pop.

1039
00:47:23,743 --> 00:47:25,745
So. Yeah.

1040
00:47:25,779 --> 00:47:28,748
And I did, for one thing,
it's like,

1041
00:47:28,782 --> 00:47:32,786
you know, I got those signs
on the bus that says it's like,

1042
00:47:32,819 --> 00:47:36,156
it's like, illegal
to beat up the bus driver.

1043
00:47:36,189 --> 00:47:36,523
Yeah.

1044
00:47:37,257 --> 00:47:38,625
Pop, I I've seen those
signs yet.

1045
00:47:38,658 --> 00:47:42,095
Yeah. So the joke would be like,

1046
00:47:42,128 --> 00:47:45,131
okay, now I won't.

1047
00:47:48,368 --> 00:47:50,203
You know, like, oh, I was.

1048
00:47:50,236 --> 00:47:53,106
Gonna be there.
There's other signs.

1049
00:47:53,139 --> 00:47:53,973
Okay.

1050
00:47:54,074 --> 00:47:54,941
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah.
That's funny.

1051
00:47:54,974 --> 00:47:56,976
Yeah, it's funny. Funny. Yeah.

1052
00:47:57,077 --> 00:47:58,745
I feel like I might have
heard it before, but.

1053
00:47:58,778 --> 00:48:00,347
But we gotta get
out of here, man.

1054
00:48:00,380 --> 00:48:03,483
We got idea for another one.

1055
00:48:03,516 --> 00:48:05,385
It's like,

1056
00:48:05,418 --> 00:48:08,855
you ever see a bird
walking across the street?

1057
00:48:08,888 --> 00:48:10,824
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You pop? Sure. Yeah.

1058
00:48:12,125 --> 00:48:14,728
It's like why?

1059
00:48:14,761 --> 00:48:17,530
You know, it's like,
hey, bird, you can fly.

1060
00:48:17,564 --> 00:48:19,199
What you walking for?

1061
00:48:19,232 --> 00:48:20,700
Okay. Yeah. That's good.

1062
00:48:20,734 --> 00:48:22,602
Let's. Come on. Get out of here.
Come on.

1063
00:48:22,635 --> 00:48:24,104
I want to try it on these guys.

1064
00:48:24,137 --> 00:48:25,505
Not no.

1065
00:48:25,538 --> 00:48:26,773
Hey, you guys ever see a bird.

1066
00:48:26,806 --> 00:48:30,310
On the ground,

1067
00:48:30,343 --> 00:48:31,144
Come on.

1068
00:48:31,177 --> 00:48:32,679
Oh, oh.

1069
00:48:32,712 --> 00:48:35,448
Oh my God, sweetheart!

1070
00:48:35,482 --> 00:48:36,516
My baby.

1071
00:48:36,549 --> 00:48:37,851
What are you. Doing?

1072
00:48:37,884 --> 00:48:39,786
Come on, you're
not supposed to be.

1073
00:48:39,819 --> 00:48:42,589
I told you this.
What happened? Your big love.

1074
00:48:42,622 --> 00:48:44,591
What am I.
Supposed to do without you?

1075
00:48:44,624 --> 00:48:46,893
Marie, listen to me.

1076
00:48:46,926 --> 00:48:50,063
So I got to ask you.

1077
00:48:50,063 --> 00:48:53,600
Who is that great joke
you came up with last night?

1078
00:48:53,633 --> 00:48:56,403
Which woman to share
your bowling shoes?

1079
00:48:56,436 --> 00:48:57,671
Listen to this guy.

1080
00:48:57,704 --> 00:48:58,071
Yeah.

1081
00:48:59,072 --> 00:49:02,075
So, bowling shoes is like,
when you go bowling,

1082
00:49:02,108 --> 00:49:06,112
they make you put on those goofy
shoes, and it's like, what?

1083
00:49:07,881 --> 00:49:10,617
To protect the floor, mom.

1084
00:49:10,650 --> 00:49:14,254
So I can whip a 15 pound bowling
ball down a lane,

1085
00:49:14,287 --> 00:49:18,758
and the floor is fine, but
God forbid I wear my schedule,

1086
00:49:18,792 --> 00:49:21,828
you know, like,
what's going to happen.

1087
00:49:21,861 --> 00:49:24,931
And, then you do
your catchphrase.

1088
00:49:25,031 --> 00:49:26,366
Oh, right. My catchphrase.

1089
00:49:26,399 --> 00:49:28,234
Make that make sense.

1090
00:49:28,268 --> 00:49:31,571
Oh, Ma,
you're a part of this, too.

1091
00:49:31,604 --> 00:49:32,706
Yeah. I'm a writer.

1092
00:49:32,739 --> 00:49:34,040
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1093
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:36,843
Another one. It's like,

1094
00:49:36,876 --> 00:49:38,778
tell me this.

1095
00:49:38,812 --> 00:49:41,281
Why do some people say this?

1096
00:49:41,314 --> 00:49:44,417
And some people say, turtle,

1097
00:49:44,451 --> 00:49:46,119
what's with that?

1098
00:49:46,152 --> 00:49:49,122
Meaning that makes sense

1099
00:49:49,155 --> 00:49:52,258
with different animals parts.

1100
00:49:52,292 --> 00:49:53,526
Oh, really?

1101
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:55,395
Yes, completely different
animals.

1102
00:49:55,428 --> 00:49:57,263
Okay,

1103
00:49:57,297 --> 00:49:58,131
Joe probably doesn't work.

1104
00:49:58,164 --> 00:49:59,766
That does it?

1105
00:49:59,799 --> 00:50:02,369
Probably not pop. Probably not.

1106
00:50:02,402 --> 00:50:04,704
Well, well, well,

1107
00:50:04,738 --> 00:50:07,374
looks like the whole family's
here.

1108
00:50:07,407 --> 00:50:09,542
Oh, screw you, O'Shaughnessy.

1109
00:50:09,576 --> 00:50:11,644
Hey. Easy now.

1110
00:50:11,678 --> 00:50:15,148
Yeah, I've been waiting for this
a long time, old man.

1111
00:50:15,181 --> 00:50:19,786
Any last words? Yeah.

1112
00:50:19,819 --> 00:50:21,154
You ever notice how smart

1113
00:50:21,187 --> 00:50:24,991
phones make you stupid?

1114
00:50:25,025 --> 00:50:27,727
Those are your last words.

1115
00:50:27,761 --> 00:50:30,363
No. These are.

1116
00:50:30,397 --> 00:50:33,333
Make that make sense.

1117
00:50:33,366 --> 00:50:35,135
Wait, I got another one.

1118
00:50:44,110 --> 00:50:45,979
>>> ONCE AGAIN, MORGAN WALLEN.

1119
00:50:46,012 --> 00:50:49,783
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1120
00:50:49,816 --> 00:50:54,821
**

1121
00:50:54,854 --> 00:50:56,389
* I AIN'T SAYIN' THAT

1122
00:50:56,423 --> 00:50:57,857
I ALWAYS SLEEP ALONE *

1123
00:50:57,891 --> 00:50:59,893
* I AIN'T SAYIN' THAT

1124
00:50:59,926 --> 00:51:01,061
I AIN'T MET NO ONE ELSE *

1125
00:51:01,094 --> 00:51:03,396
* DONE A LITTLE BIT OF

1126
00:51:03,430 --> 00:51:04,597
MIDNIGHT MOVIN' ON *

1127
00:51:04,631 --> 00:51:06,166
* AND I AIN'T SAYIN'

1128
00:51:06,199 --> 00:51:07,133
WHEN I DO THAT

1129
00:51:07,167 --> 00:51:08,335
IT DON'T HELP *

1130
00:51:08,368 --> 00:51:10,136
* LEAVE WITH SOMEONE

1131
00:51:10,170 --> 00:51:11,371
I DON'T KNOW HER NAME *

1132
00:51:11,404 --> 00:51:12,906
* PULL HER REAL CLOSE

1133
00:51:12,939 --> 00:51:14,841
BUT I LEAVE SOME SPACE *

1134
00:51:14,874 --> 00:51:16,409
* AND I COULD FORGET YOU

1135
00:51:16,443 --> 00:51:17,877
GIRL, FOR GOOD

1136
00:51:17,911 --> 00:51:19,846
EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD *

1137
00:51:19,879 --> 00:51:21,147
* I NEVER LET MY

1138
00:51:21,181 --> 00:51:22,849
HEART GO ALL THE WAY *

1139
00:51:22,882 --> 00:51:24,150
* EVERY TIME I TRY

1140
00:51:24,184 --> 00:51:26,586
I JUST HIT THE BRAKES *

1141
00:51:26,619 --> 00:51:27,921
* AND THERE'S ALWAYS

1142
00:51:27,954 --> 00:51:28,888
A COUPLE TRYNA

1143
00:51:28,922 --> 00:51:29,889
TAKE YOUR PLACE *

1144
00:51:29,923 --> 00:51:31,291
* BUT I NEVER FALL IN LOVE

1145
00:51:31,324 --> 00:51:32,325
BABY, JUST IN CASE *

1146
00:51:32,359 --> 00:51:33,660
* YOU WAKE UP

1147
00:51:33,693 --> 00:51:35,328
WANTIN' ME OUT OF THE BLUE *

1148
00:51:35,362 --> 00:51:36,896
* YOU LAY DOWN NEEDIN'

1149
00:51:36,930 --> 00:51:39,332
WHAT I USED TO DO *

1150
00:51:39,366 --> 00:51:40,900
* YEAH, EVERY NOW AND THEN

1151
00:51:40,934 --> 00:51:42,335
I GO GET A TASTE *

1152
00:51:42,369 --> 00:51:44,137
* BUT I NEVER FALL IN LOVE

1153
00:51:44,170 --> 00:51:45,638
BABY, JUST IN CASE

1154
00:51:45,672 --> 00:51:48,842
JUST IN CASE *

1155
00:51:48,875 --> 00:51:53,813
**

1156
00:51:53,847 --> 00:51:55,148
* I ALWAYS TAKE IT

1157
00:51:55,181 --> 00:51:56,149
TO THE EDGE

1158
00:51:56,182 --> 00:51:57,150
THEN I BACK IT UP *

1159
00:51:57,183 --> 00:51:58,385
* THEY DON'T KNOW

1160
00:51:58,418 --> 00:51:59,119
I GOT A REASON

1161
00:51:59,152 --> 00:52:00,353
FOR ACTIN' UP *

1162
00:52:00,387 --> 00:52:02,389
* I AIN'T FELT A DAMN THING

1163
00:52:02,422 --> 00:52:03,823
BABY, AFTER US *

1164
00:52:03,857 --> 00:52:05,225
* YEAH, I'M JUST HOPIN'

1165
00:52:05,258 --> 00:52:06,359
YOU'LL COME BACK TO US *

1166
00:52:06,393 --> 00:52:07,761
* THAT'S WISHFUL THINKIN'

1167
00:52:07,794 --> 00:52:09,596
BABY, HONESTLY *

1168
00:52:09,629 --> 00:52:10,830
* BUT I KNOW YOU

1169
00:52:10,864 --> 00:52:13,066
AIN'T FORGOTTEN ME *

1170
00:52:13,099 --> 00:52:14,634
* SO I NEVER LET MY

1171
00:52:14,668 --> 00:52:16,336
HEART GO ALL THE WAY *

1172
00:52:16,369 --> 00:52:17,904
* EVERY TIME I TRY

1173
00:52:17,937 --> 00:52:18,905
I JUST HIT THE BRAKES *

1174
00:52:18,938 --> 00:52:20,173
* AND THERE'S ALWAYS

1175
00:52:20,206 --> 00:52:20,674
A COUPLE TRYNA

1176
00:52:20,707 --> 00:52:21,808
TAKE YOUR PLACE *

1177
00:52:21,841 --> 00:52:23,276
* BUT I NEVER FALL IN LOVE

1178
00:52:23,309 --> 00:52:24,844
BABY, JUST IN CASE *

1179
00:52:24,878 --> 00:52:26,646
* YOU WAKE UP

1180
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,581
WANTIN' ME OUT OF THE BLUE *

1181
00:52:28,615 --> 00:52:29,949
* YOU LAY DOWN NEEDIN'

1182
00:52:29,983 --> 00:52:31,618
WHAT I USED TO DO *

1183
00:52:31,651 --> 00:52:33,153
* YEAH, EVERY NOW AND THEN

1184
00:52:33,186 --> 00:52:34,821
I GO GET A TASTE *

1185
00:52:34,854 --> 00:52:36,389
* BUT I NEVER FALL IN LOVE

1186
00:52:36,423 --> 00:52:38,425
BABY, JUST IN CASE

1187
00:52:38,458 --> 00:52:40,560
JUST IN CASE *

1188
00:52:40,593 --> 00:52:42,162
* LEAVE WITH SOMEONE

1189
00:52:42,195 --> 00:52:43,596
I DON'T KNOW HER NAME *

1190
00:52:43,630 --> 00:52:45,165
* PULL HER REAL CLOSE

1191
00:52:45,198 --> 00:52:46,833
BUT I LEAVE SOME SPACE *

1192
00:52:46,866 --> 00:52:48,401
* YEAH, I COULD HAVE

1193
00:52:48,435 --> 00:52:50,136
THREE WORDS ON MY TONGUE

1194
00:52:50,170 --> 00:52:51,604
BUT I WON'T EVER SAY 'EM *

1195
00:52:51,638 --> 00:52:52,972
* 'CAUSE I NEVER LET MY

1196
00:52:53,006 --> 00:52:54,107
HEART GO ALL THE WAY *

1197
00:52:54,107 --> 00:52:55,909
* EVERY TIME I TRY

1198
00:52:55,942 --> 00:52:58,578
I JUST HIT THE BRAKES *

1199
00:52:58,611 --> 00:52:59,913
* AND THERE'S ALWAYS

1200
00:52:59,946 --> 00:53:00,880
A COUPLE TRYNA

1201
00:53:00,914 --> 00:53:01,881
TAKE YOUR PLACE *

1202
00:53:01,915 --> 00:53:03,283
* BUT I NEVER FALL IN LOVE

1203
00:53:03,316 --> 00:53:04,351
BABY, JUST IN CASE *

1204
00:53:04,384 --> 00:53:05,652
* YOU WAKE UP

1205
00:53:05,685 --> 00:53:07,554
WANTIN' ME OUT OF THE BLUE *

1206
00:53:07,587 --> 00:53:08,888
* YOU LAY DOWN

1207
00:53:08,922 --> 00:53:11,091
NEEDIN' WHAT I USED TO DO *

1208
00:53:11,124 --> 00:53:12,625
* YEAH, EVERY NOW AND THEN

1209
00:53:12,659 --> 00:53:14,327
I GO GET A TASTE *

1210
00:53:14,361 --> 00:53:15,895
* BUT I NEVER FALL IN LOVE

1211
00:53:15,929 --> 00:53:17,664
BABY, JUST IN CASE

1212
00:53:17,697 --> 00:53:22,369
JUST IN CASE *

1213
00:53:22,402 --> 00:53:24,404
**

1214
00:53:24,437 --> 00:53:32,645
**

1215
00:53:32,679 --> 00:53:34,647
>> PRAISE THE LORD AND GO VOLS
BABY!

1216
00:53:34,681 --> 00:53:41,254
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1217
00:53:49,195 --> 00:53:50,096
Okay, Mrs.

1218
00:53:50,130 --> 00:53:52,465
Nelson,
it's time to start pushing.

1219
00:53:52,499 --> 00:53:54,601
But I can't do this
without my midwife.

1220
00:53:54,634 --> 00:53:56,336
Oh, worry, Mrs.

1221
00:53:56,369 --> 00:53:58,605
Nelson, he's on his way.
Deep breaths.

1222
00:53:58,638 --> 00:54:00,874
You're going to be okay.

1223
00:54:00,907 --> 00:54:02,876
Clear a path. Clear path.

1224
00:54:02,909 --> 00:54:04,077
I'm there. The midwife.

1225
00:54:04,110 --> 00:54:05,045
Finally.

1226
00:54:05,078 --> 00:54:07,681
Doctor Richards,
this is my midwife, Barry. Hi.

1227
00:54:07,714 --> 00:54:10,517
Very nice to meet you.

1228
00:54:10,550 --> 00:54:13,420
Actually we've met.

1229
00:54:13,453 --> 00:54:15,055
Oh. I'm sorry.

1230
00:54:15,055 --> 00:54:16,623
Nice to see you.

1231
00:54:16,656 --> 00:54:18,758
Anyway,
she's dilated ten centimeters

1232
00:54:18,792 --> 00:54:21,394
and she's already
lost a lot of placenta.

1233
00:54:21,428 --> 00:54:24,264
And I've lost a lot of respect
for you,

1234
00:54:24,297 --> 00:54:27,100
for not remembering
me and makes me furious.

1235
00:54:27,133 --> 00:54:29,636
Oh, sorry.

1236
00:54:29,669 --> 00:54:31,438
Okay, okay. She's crowning.

1237
00:54:31,471 --> 00:54:33,973
We have to move the pain.

1238
00:54:34,074 --> 00:54:35,975
Then please have the epidural.

1239
00:54:36,076 --> 00:54:39,145
I've just pushed the baby out
and the pain will go away.

1240
00:54:39,179 --> 00:54:39,946
To see you now.

1241
00:54:40,980 --> 00:54:42,082
We met at the Hilary Duff
performance at the Today

1242
00:54:42,082 --> 00:54:44,718
Show during the Toyota
Summer Concert Series at 8 a.m..

1243
00:54:44,751 --> 00:54:47,087
You know, I say more
because I've said a lot.

1244
00:54:47,087 --> 00:54:49,789
Hilary Duff on the Today Show.

1245
00:54:49,823 --> 00:54:52,892
So what? We met in like 2007.

1246
00:54:52,926 --> 00:54:53,927
Okay. Historian.

1247
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:56,229
Why are you up my ass anyway?

1248
00:54:56,262 --> 00:54:57,864
Well,
you're being lazy. McGuire.

1249
00:54:57,897 --> 00:54:59,366
I was delivering this baby.

1250
00:55:15,749 --> 00:55:16,816
I can't do it.

1251
00:55:16,850 --> 00:55:19,586
Yes, you can just breathe.
Laura.

1252
00:55:19,619 --> 00:55:22,155
She needs our midwife.

1253
00:55:22,188 --> 00:55:23,256
Clear a path. Clear a path.

1254
00:55:23,289 --> 00:55:25,392
I set a. Clear path

1255
00:55:25,425 --> 00:55:26,693
for the midwife.

1256
00:55:26,726 --> 00:55:29,929
Oh, Perry, it's
so nice to see you again.

1257
00:55:29,963 --> 00:55:31,598
Again?

1258
00:55:31,631 --> 00:55:33,533
Have we met?

1259
00:55:33,566 --> 00:55:35,301
Bury for you. Serious?

1260
00:55:35,335 --> 00:55:37,904
As serious as a hurricane.
Oh. Climate change.

1261
00:55:37,937 --> 00:55:39,839
It's 2020, What are you.

1262
00:55:39,873 --> 00:55:41,074
Guys talking about?

1263
00:55:41,107 --> 00:55:42,175
Let me explain.

1264
00:55:42,208 --> 00:55:44,244
Barry's
acting like they've never met

1265
00:55:44,277 --> 00:55:46,880
because three years ago,
Doctor Richards forgot

1266
00:55:46,913 --> 00:55:49,315
that they had already met
at the today show.

1267
00:55:49,349 --> 00:55:51,851
Hilary Duff performance in 2007.

1268
00:55:51,885 --> 00:55:53,953
It was so long ago.

1269
00:55:53,987 --> 00:55:56,189
All I remember from that day
was a grown man

1270
00:55:56,222 --> 00:55:59,359
wearing prescription New Year's
Eve glasses.

1271
00:55:59,392 --> 00:56:00,560
Because that's pretty cool.

1272
00:56:00,593 --> 00:56:02,395
Anyway,
while you were being doctor.

1273
00:56:02,429 --> 00:56:05,465
So yesterday
I was delivering these babies.

1274
00:56:05,498 --> 00:56:07,467
Lesbos always have extras.

1275
00:56:18,912 --> 00:56:21,114
Oh, nothing like a Hilary Duff
performance.

1276
00:56:21,147 --> 00:56:23,917
Start your day in.

1277
00:56:23,950 --> 00:56:26,353
Good morning. Hilary.

1278
00:56:26,386 --> 00:56:28,288
Yeah,
and she's a brunet now, so,

1279
00:56:28,321 --> 00:56:30,757
you know,
she's not a kid anymore.

1280
00:56:30,790 --> 00:56:32,492
Clear a path.
Clear a path for Barry.

1281
00:56:32,525 --> 00:56:34,594
The number one
Hilary Duff lover.

1282
00:56:34,627 --> 00:56:36,129
Oh, I can't see a thing.

1283
00:56:36,162 --> 00:56:39,532
These barricades are so far
from Mr.

1284
00:56:39,566 --> 00:56:40,066
Richards.

1285
00:56:40,100 --> 00:56:41,835
By the way, I.

1286
00:56:41,868 --> 00:56:44,471
Ferguson, Elgin for Late Night
with Conan.

1287
00:56:44,504 --> 00:56:46,239
That's
why I'm dressed like this.

1288
00:56:46,272 --> 00:56:48,174
It's nice to meet you.

1289
00:56:48,208 --> 00:56:50,276
It's nice to meet you, too. Wow.

1290
00:56:50,310 --> 00:56:51,511
I love your hair.

1291
00:56:51,544 --> 00:56:53,079
I've always wanted to do blonds.

1292
00:56:53,113 --> 00:56:55,982
Oh, well, if you. Did,
I wouldn't recognize you.

1293
00:56:56,082 --> 00:56:58,118
And that kind of crust
is really rude.

1294
00:56:58,151 --> 00:56:59,185
Well, I'd hate that.

1295
00:56:59,219 --> 00:57:02,222
I'd hold a grudge against you
for years.

1296
00:57:17,337 --> 00:57:18,138
Oh, Mrs.

1297
00:57:18,171 --> 00:57:20,507
Nelson,
I can't believe you, baby.

1298
00:57:20,540 --> 00:57:21,641
Number two.

1299
00:57:21,675 --> 00:57:25,645
I know life
and you and my midwife

1300
00:57:25,679 --> 00:57:27,914
remember each other, right?

1301
00:57:27,947 --> 00:57:30,684
Absolutely. Thank you.

1302
00:57:30,717 --> 00:57:31,317
Clear a path.

1303
00:57:32,285 --> 00:57:34,854
Clear a path for Barry,
the forgiving midwife.

1304
00:57:34,888 --> 00:57:35,855
Barry.

1305
00:57:35,889 --> 00:57:38,058
I'm sorry.
I'll never forget you again.

1306
00:57:38,058 --> 00:57:40,960
And I'll never forget
Hilary's amazing career.

1307
00:57:41,061 --> 00:57:41,661
Let's hit it.

1308
00:57:52,138 --> 00:57:53,373
Twins! Wow.

1309
00:57:53,406 --> 00:57:55,508
Look, baby, it's your brother.

1310
00:57:55,542 --> 00:57:58,078
Nice to meet.

1311
00:57:58,078 --> 00:58:01,047
Actually, we've met.

1312
00:58:14,828 --> 00:58:15,829
Can't wait to meet Mikey.

1313
00:58:15,862 --> 00:58:18,865
I know, dude, I've heard
she's like a really nice,

1314
00:58:18,898 --> 00:58:22,035
genuine, down to earth person.

1315
00:58:22,035 --> 00:58:24,237
Hey, hey. Yeah, I can do this.

1316
00:58:24,270 --> 00:58:25,705
Call a car. Just don't.

1317
00:58:25,739 --> 00:58:28,108
Hey, Mikey.

1318
00:58:28,141 --> 00:58:29,576
How are you?

1319
00:58:29,609 --> 00:58:30,744
I'm. It's crazy.

1320
00:58:30,777 --> 00:58:34,047
You know, between the Oscars
and SNL, it's just like,

1321
00:58:37,851 --> 00:58:40,053
Yeah, yeah.

1322
00:58:40,053 --> 00:58:42,455
Why are you Squidward

1323
00:58:42,489 --> 00:58:43,323
and SpongeBob?

1324
00:58:43,356 --> 00:58:44,724
Why are you dressed as he.

1325
00:58:44,758 --> 00:58:46,526
Sorry, I just woke up.

1326
00:58:46,559 --> 00:58:48,695
I don't think through the song.

1327
00:58:48,728 --> 00:58:50,096
You're painted blue, homie.

1328
00:58:50,130 --> 00:58:52,065
Okay, I'll play along.

1329
00:58:52,065 --> 00:58:53,933
Hey, Squidward,
remember when you ate all those

1330
00:58:53,967 --> 00:58:56,970
Krabby Patties
and your thighs got huge?

1331
00:58:58,204 --> 00:59:00,907
And as a young woman
in Hollywood,

1332
00:59:01,007 --> 00:59:03,009
you maybe don't comment
on my thighs.

1333
00:59:03,009 --> 00:59:04,811
Oh, God, I'm sorry.

1334
00:59:04,844 --> 00:59:07,080
I would never comment
on your body.

1335
00:59:07,113 --> 00:59:07,847
Oh, God.

1336
00:59:08,882 --> 00:59:10,283
Why are you all right?
Why don't you just tell us?

1337
00:59:10,316 --> 00:59:11,618
Do you want to do a sketch
about him?

1338
00:59:11,651 --> 00:59:14,521
I do not. Great.
I would do a dramedy.

1339
00:59:14,554 --> 00:59:17,190
Because if you think about it,
what is SpongeBob really about?

1340
00:59:17,223 --> 00:59:18,191
A funny. Sponge.

1341
00:59:18,224 --> 00:59:19,859
Exactly right.

1342
00:59:19,893 --> 00:59:23,096
About a friend group navigating
life in their early 20s.

1343
00:59:23,129 --> 00:59:24,631
Martin said a funny sponge.

1344
00:59:24,664 --> 00:59:26,032
Oh, I can see it now.

1345
00:59:26,032 --> 00:59:29,035
It's an HBO style
show with the characters

1346
00:59:29,069 --> 00:59:32,038
from SpongeBob we know and love,
but live action.

1347
00:59:32,038 --> 00:59:33,807
Are you talking about a TV show

1348
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:36,409
that would take like three years
to develop?

1349
00:59:36,443 --> 00:59:38,878
Three years after they die?

1350
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:41,481
What will everyone say?

1351
00:59:41,514 --> 00:59:44,751
I'm supposed to hate you,
but I can't stop coming back.

1352
00:59:47,454 --> 00:59:50,156
Who cares about other people's
opinions?

1353
00:59:50,190 --> 00:59:52,826
Sometimes you just have to
laugh.

1354
00:59:52,859 --> 00:59:58,498
I me daughter is pregnant.

1355
00:59:59,199 --> 01:00:01,201
We were just
trying to stay afloat.

1356
01:00:01,234 --> 01:00:03,937
And nobody teaches you
how to swim through your 20s.

1357
01:00:03,970 --> 01:00:06,172
You've been living under a rock
for years.

1358
01:00:06,206 --> 01:00:09,009
It's hard to start up again,
but we're here to help.

1359
01:00:09,042 --> 01:00:11,678
Do you have any questions?

1360
01:00:11,711 --> 01:00:14,447
Is mayonnaise an instrument?

1361
01:00:14,481 --> 01:00:17,484
No, no, it's not.

1362
01:00:18,084 --> 01:00:20,120
This is gonna cost me
so much money.

1363
01:00:20,153 --> 01:00:21,554
Money money money money.

1364
01:00:21,588 --> 01:00:23,456
Why do you keep
bringing this up?

1365
01:00:23,490 --> 01:00:26,126
I just think it's a conversation
that we need to have.

1366
01:00:26,159 --> 01:00:27,394
We're dancing around it.

1367
01:00:27,427 --> 01:00:29,195
I don't know what to do.

1368
01:00:29,229 --> 01:00:31,164
With a little money.

1369
01:00:31,197 --> 01:00:33,433
It was never about where
we were going.

1370
01:00:33,466 --> 01:00:34,868
I love you, Squidward.

1371
01:00:34,901 --> 01:00:35,669
But who?

1372
01:00:35,702 --> 01:00:38,905
We were singing with
f is for friends

1373
01:00:38,938 --> 01:00:42,208
who do stuff together for you.

1374
01:00:42,242 --> 01:00:44,944
It's for you and me.

1375
01:00:46,046 --> 01:00:48,181
In this world, anywhere,

1376
01:00:48,214 --> 01:00:54,220
any time before down here,
it seems to me life.

1377
01:00:54,254 --> 01:00:54,954
Get it down.

1378
01:00:54,988 --> 01:00:58,058
Keep going, keep treading water.

1379
01:01:01,728 --> 01:01:04,064
Patience
isn't an instrument either.

1380
01:01:17,277 --> 01:01:18,845
And now it's time to play.

1381
01:01:18,878 --> 01:01:21,881
So what are we?

1382
01:01:24,884 --> 01:01:25,985
Hello.

1383
01:01:26,086 --> 01:01:27,087
Hello.

1384
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:28,955
I'm your host, Molly Wilson.

1385
01:01:28,988 --> 01:01:32,292
And welcome back to America's
number one game show,

1386
01:01:32,325 --> 01:01:34,928
where I bring out people
I personally am dating.

1387
01:01:34,961 --> 01:01:37,163
And we find out. So, like.

1388
01:01:37,197 --> 01:01:39,833
What are we? All right.

1389
01:01:39,866 --> 01:01:45,138
Our first contestant tonight,
he shaved in my phone as Jeremy.

1390
01:01:45,171 --> 01:01:46,773
Ladies and gentlemen.

1391
01:01:46,806 --> 01:01:49,509
It's Jeremy.

1392
01:01:49,542 --> 01:01:53,213
Oh. It's true. Wow.

1393
01:01:53,246 --> 01:01:57,117
I didn't know that's what
this show was.

1394
01:01:57,117 --> 01:01:57,851
Am I?

1395
01:01:57,884 --> 01:01:59,786
Am I the only contestant?

1396
01:01:59,819 --> 01:02:01,554
Why have you been
seeing other people?

1397
01:02:01,588 --> 01:02:03,423
Because I haven't.

1398
01:02:03,456 --> 01:02:05,525
I'm sorry. What is this?

1399
01:02:05,558 --> 01:02:06,793
Question one.

1400
01:02:06,826 --> 01:02:07,694
Jeremy.

1401
01:02:07,727 --> 01:02:11,264
So, like, what are we?

1402
01:02:11,297 --> 01:02:14,200
That's so right.

1403
01:02:14,234 --> 01:02:17,070
If I, I guess
if I can be completely honest.

1404
01:02:17,070 --> 01:02:19,506
Honesty is
what we're looking for.

1405
01:02:19,539 --> 01:02:21,374
I just got out of a long
relationship,

1406
01:02:21,408 --> 01:02:24,678
so I'm not looking
for anything that serious.

1407
01:02:24,711 --> 01:02:26,212
So sorry, Jeremy.

1408
01:02:26,246 --> 01:02:28,081
That was the wrong answer.

1409
01:02:28,081 --> 01:02:31,685
That'll be -$10,000
from your personal bank account.

1410
01:02:31,718 --> 01:02:34,254
By my bank account. What?
Yeah. Sorry.

1411
01:02:34,287 --> 01:02:35,422
Them's the rules.

1412
01:02:35,455 --> 01:02:37,123
But let's
see what you would have won

1413
01:02:37,157 --> 01:02:44,097
if you answered correctly. Me?

1414
01:02:44,130 --> 01:02:46,933
Because I'm a prize.

1415
01:02:46,966 --> 01:02:50,103
All right, next question.

1416
01:02:50,136 --> 01:02:51,604
Even though I slept with you

1417
01:02:51,638 --> 01:02:55,475
seven times, it's been five days
since you've hit me up.

1418
01:02:55,508 --> 01:02:59,779
So, should I just walk into the
ocean with bricks in my pocket?

1419
01:02:59,813 --> 01:03:03,350
Or can you tell me
what did I do wrong?

1420
01:03:03,383 --> 01:03:04,951
So I'm going to lose $10,000

1421
01:03:05,051 --> 01:03:06,953
just because I didn't
want to label things.

1422
01:03:07,053 --> 01:03:08,888
I didn't do anything wrong.

1423
01:03:08,922 --> 01:03:13,393
Well, we'll see about that
in our next round.

1424
01:03:13,426 --> 01:03:16,463
Is way that.

1425
01:03:16,496 --> 01:03:20,066
The other day you texted me.

1426
01:03:20,066 --> 01:03:21,167
Busy? Too late.

1427
01:03:21,201 --> 01:03:23,703
But want to link tonight?

1428
01:03:23,737 --> 01:03:25,572
That seems fine.

1429
01:03:25,605 --> 01:03:28,408
The time was 2:47 a.m..

1430
01:03:28,441 --> 01:03:30,744
Can you explain that text?

1431
01:03:30,777 --> 01:03:33,413
Game pass. All right.

1432
01:03:33,446 --> 01:03:34,714
How about this?

1433
01:03:34,748 --> 01:03:36,082
1:38 a.m.

1434
01:03:36,116 --> 01:03:39,185
text where you just said
it all over to daddy.

1435
01:03:39,219 --> 01:03:40,086
Hungry for.

1436
01:03:40,086 --> 01:03:43,556
But I. I'm not done.

1437
01:03:43,590 --> 01:03:47,761
Ten minutes later, you question
reacted your own message.

1438
01:03:47,794 --> 01:03:51,631
Can you explain that text.

1439
01:03:51,664 --> 01:03:54,534
I was hungry for? But.

1440
01:03:54,567 --> 01:03:55,769
Disappointing showing.

1441
01:03:55,802 --> 01:04:00,273
Jeremy, you're down $100,000,

1442
01:04:00,306 --> 01:04:01,841
but you have a chance to

1443
01:04:01,875 --> 01:04:05,812
make it all back and triple it
with this next round.

1444
01:04:05,845 --> 01:04:07,914
Okay. Yeah, I'll do anything.

1445
01:04:07,947 --> 01:04:12,085
All you have to do is post
a photo of us on Instagram

1446
01:04:12,118 --> 01:04:15,088
and tag me.

1447
01:04:15,121 --> 01:04:16,489
Okay.

1448
01:04:16,523 --> 01:04:20,460
I, can't do it,

1449
01:04:20,493 --> 01:04:23,697
but maybe we link up tonight

1450
01:04:23,730 --> 01:04:26,399
somewhere between 9 and 4 a.m..

1451
01:04:26,433 --> 01:04:29,703
Wow. Dude.

1452
01:04:29,736 --> 01:04:32,172
All right. Fine. Call me over.

1453
01:04:32,205 --> 01:04:36,076
Join us next time on somewhere.

1454
01:04:36,109 --> 01:04:38,445
What are we?

1455
01:04:38,478 --> 01:04:41,815
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1456
01:04:45,352 --> 01:04:48,521
**

1457
01:04:48,555 --> 01:04:50,090
>>> CAN I SAY SOMETHING?

1458
01:04:50,123 --> 01:04:51,191
THIS IS A REALLY NICE ISLAND.

1459
01:04:51,224 --> 01:04:51,691
>> HM.

1460
01:04:52,392 --> 01:04:53,093
>> I HONESTLY THINK WE COULD DO

1461
01:04:53,126 --> 01:04:53,593
A CITY HERE.

1462
01:04:53,626 --> 01:04:54,127
>> YEAH?

1463
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:54,894
LIKE A BIG CITY?

1464
01:04:54,928 --> 01:04:55,628
>> HUGE.

1465
01:04:55,662 --> 01:04:59,099
A CITY THAT'S JUST, LIKE TOO,

1466
01:04:59,132 --> 01:04:59,432
MUCH.

1467
01:04:59,933 --> 01:05:00,266
TOO MUCH EVERYTHING.

1468
01:05:00,300 --> 01:05:00,567
AND CRAZY.

1469
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:01,034
>> OKAY.

1470
01:05:01,034 --> 01:05:01,301
I'M INTRIGUED.

1471
01:05:02,035 --> 01:05:03,103
>> THINKING DOWN AT THE BOTTOM,

1472
01:05:03,136 --> 01:05:04,304
STREETS ARE JUST CHAOS.

1473
01:05:04,337 --> 01:05:07,140
>> OH, LIKE LONDON.

1474
01:05:07,173 --> 01:05:07,574
>> EXACTLY.

1475
01:05:08,241 --> 01:05:08,475
>> LET ME WRITE SOME OF THIS

1476
01:05:08,508 --> 01:05:08,641
DOWN.

1477
01:05:09,309 --> 01:05:10,877
>> CRAZY AT THE BOTTOM, THEN

1478
01:05:10,910 --> 01:05:12,412
RANDOMLY THE STREETS ARE ALL

1479
01:05:12,445 --> 01:05:13,046
PERFECTLY STRAIGHT.

1480
01:05:13,046 --> 01:05:13,780
>> THEY JUST SWITCH?

1481
01:05:13,813 --> 01:05:14,614
OUT OF NOWHERE?

1482
01:05:14,647 --> 01:05:15,715
>> OUT OF NOWHERE.

1483
01:05:15,749 --> 01:05:17,050
THEY HAVE NUMBERS.

1484
01:05:17,083 --> 01:05:18,918
LIKE FIRST AVENUE, SECOND

1485
01:05:18,952 --> 01:05:19,819
AVENUE, THIRD AVD --

1486
01:05:19,853 --> 01:05:20,520
>> FOURTH AVENUE.

1487
01:05:20,553 --> 01:05:22,622
>> NO.

1488
01:05:22,655 --> 01:05:23,223
LEXINGTON.

1489
01:05:23,256 --> 01:05:24,924
AND THEN FOURTH AVENUE --

1490
01:05:24,958 --> 01:05:25,592
>> PARK AVENUE.

1491
01:05:25,625 --> 01:05:26,459
>> THEN?

1492
01:05:26,493 --> 01:05:27,193
>> MADISON AVENUE.

1493
01:05:27,227 --> 01:05:33,600
>> THEN FOURTH AVENUE?

1494
01:05:33,633 --> 01:05:34,300
>> FIFTH AVENUE.

1495
01:05:34,334 --> 01:05:36,336
>> OH, MY GOD, YOU ARE ON ONE

1496
01:05:36,369 --> 01:05:37,103
RIGHT NOW.

1497
01:05:37,137 --> 01:05:38,138
SO NO FOURTH AVENUE?

1498
01:05:38,171 --> 01:05:38,972
WHAT IF THERE WAS A BIG ROAD,

1499
01:05:39,072 --> 01:05:42,142
LIKE A BROAD WAY, THAT WENT

1500
01:05:42,175 --> 01:05:43,410
DIAGONAL ACROSS THE WHOLE THING?

1501
01:05:43,443 --> 01:05:44,110
>> GENIUS.

1502
01:05:44,144 --> 01:05:45,278
I LOVE THAT.

1503
01:05:45,311 --> 01:05:47,080
THERE WOULD BE JUST A BUNCH OF

1504
01:05:47,113 --> 01:05:48,982
RANDOM TRIANGLES EVERYWHERE.

1505
01:05:49,082 --> 01:05:49,582
>> RIGHT?

1506
01:05:49,616 --> 01:05:51,151
THEN LISTEN, WE CALL THE

1507
01:05:51,184 --> 01:05:51,785
TRIANGLES SQUARES.

1508
01:05:51,818 --> 01:05:54,854
>> OH, SO WE CALL THEM LIKE

1509
01:05:54,888 --> 01:05:56,289
TIMES SQUARE, WHATEVER, BUT

1510
01:05:56,322 --> 01:05:57,323
THEY'RE TRIANGLES.

1511
01:05:57,357 --> 01:05:58,224
HERE'S SOMETHING.

1512
01:05:58,258 --> 01:05:58,558
TREES.

1513
01:05:59,092 --> 01:05:59,159
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK?

1514
01:05:59,759 --> 01:06:00,560
>> LET'S SAY IT TOGETHER.

1515
01:06:00,593 --> 01:06:01,594
ONE, TWO, THREE --

1516
01:06:01,628 --> 01:06:02,729
>> PUT THEM ALL IN THE MIDDLE!

1517
01:06:02,762 --> 01:06:06,066
>> YES, ALL THE NATURE IN THE

1518
01:06:06,099 --> 01:06:07,467
MIDDLE OF THE CITY.

1519
01:06:07,500 --> 01:06:09,035
>> IT'S THERE, IT'S CENTRAL, WE

1520
01:06:09,069 --> 01:06:10,136
KNOW WHERE IT IS.

1521
01:06:10,170 --> 01:06:11,504
QUESTION, HOW DO PEOPLE GET

1522
01:06:11,538 --> 01:06:11,871
AROUND?

1523
01:06:12,439 --> 01:06:14,641
>> RANDOM IDEA, TUNNELS.

1524
01:06:14,674 --> 01:06:15,408
I KNOW THEY'RE NOT INVENTED YET,

1525
01:06:15,442 --> 01:06:16,710
BUT TRAINS GO IN THE TUNNELS.

1526
01:06:16,743 --> 01:06:17,344
>> THEY JUST GO WHERE THE

1527
01:06:17,377 --> 01:06:18,945
STREETS GO?

1528
01:06:19,045 --> 01:06:19,646
>> NO!

1529
01:06:19,679 --> 01:06:21,448
THEY DO THEIR OWN THING.

1530
01:06:21,481 --> 01:06:22,749
>> SOME GO THIS WAY.

1531
01:06:22,782 --> 01:06:25,051
ONE OF THEM JUST SPLITS IN HALF.

1532
01:06:25,085 --> 01:06:25,385
HELLO.

1533
01:06:26,052 --> 01:06:27,053
AND YOU FIGURE OUT WHERE THEY

1534
01:06:27,053 --> 01:06:27,420
GO.

1535
01:06:27,454 --> 01:06:29,089
THOSE ON YOU.

1536
01:06:29,122 --> 01:06:29,689
THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

1537
01:06:29,723 --> 01:06:30,323
>> WRITE THAT DOWN.

1538
01:06:30,357 --> 01:06:31,391
>> WILD PITCH, EVERYONE WHO

1539
01:06:31,424 --> 01:06:34,127
LIVES IN THE CITY GETS AN

1540
01:06:34,160 --> 01:06:34,527
[ BLEEP ].

1541
01:06:34,561 --> 01:06:35,128
>> YES.

1542
01:06:35,161 --> 01:06:36,062
MY TURN?

1543
01:06:36,062 --> 01:06:36,963
>> LITERAL SAME BRAIN.

1544
01:06:37,063 --> 01:06:37,397
>> INSPIRED.

1545
01:06:37,430 --> 01:06:40,767
>> AMAZING.

1546
01:06:40,800 --> 01:06:42,068
>> WE NEED A CITY WHERE EVERYONE

1547
01:06:42,102 --> 01:06:42,569
IS WELCOME.

1548
01:06:43,269 --> 01:06:43,970
AND EVERYONE HAS A LITTLE BIT OF

1549
01:06:44,070 --> 01:06:45,271
THEIR OWN CULTURE.

1550
01:06:45,305 --> 01:06:47,173
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT GREAT.

1551
01:06:47,207 --> 01:06:50,744
BECAUSE IT'S A PLACE FOR ALL THE

1552
01:06:50,777 --> 01:06:53,913
PEOPLE IN THE WORLD TO LIVE IN

1553
01:06:53,947 --> 01:06:54,280
HARMONY.

1554
01:06:54,314 --> 01:06:54,614
>> NO!

1555
01:06:55,281 --> 01:06:56,349
>> THEY ALL HATE EACH OTHER.

1556
01:06:56,383 --> 01:06:57,851
>> ALL LIVE IN THEIR OWN

1557
01:06:57,884 --> 01:06:59,419
NEIGHBORHOODS WITH CONSTANT

1558
01:06:59,452 --> 01:07:01,788
PROBLEMS.

1559
01:07:19,172 --> 01:07:20,840
>>> THANK YOU SO MUCH, MORGAN

1560
01:07:20,874 --> 01:07:22,142
WALLEN.

1561
01:07:22,175 --> 01:07:23,243
I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME.

1562
01:07:23,276 --> 01:07:24,611
THANK YOU, ALL.

1563
01:07:24,644 --> 01:07:36,556
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]